So even though I am homeless in Ann Arbor right now and mooching off my parents, I still watched Bachelor in Paradise a day late on Hulu, because I was too busy attending the going away party for one of my managers, who is moving to Peru and traveling the world for an indefinite period of time. Since most attendees were from the service industry, there was bomb ass food and beer, and even a rousing game of Slip n Flip, where you slide down the slip n slide into a table where you must then play flip cup. It was way too good of a time to leave early, even for BIP. (I know what you’re thinking….I have cool people in my life who do things like pack up and move to Peru, yet all I do is sit around blogging about Bachelor In Paradise and eating brownie batter Oreos. But I bet you’re not that cool either, so shut the hell up.)
Livefeed of the most dramatic episode thus far, BIP 8/16
——
Jared popping out from behind that tree gets me every time
Chris Harrison is like god damn it Clare I’m so sick of ur shit after 3 seasons with u
Ashley I has a shit eating grin because she’s not the one crying at this particular moment
Mikey wants to curb stomp Clare with all his testosterone now
Joe sure blinks a lot for someone who seems like their brain might not be fully functioning
Nice flash tat Samantha, which srat are u in
“She’s the perfect specimen, how can I compete with that?”
—thoughts every woman has had at one point, we feel for you Julia :’(
Social media is ruining the Bachelor franchise because now all these weirdos from different seasons talk and hook up OFFSCREEN TOO
Samantha literally looks like a Barbie….r u real? Are thighs that thin and eyes that blue humanly possible?
Ew that flashback of Joe violently attacking Julia’s mouth to prove a point actually proves nothing except he could probably chew your lip off if he tried hard enough
There was approximately 0 dialogue on Joe and Samantha’s date. I bet they really got to know each other on a deeper level.
Joe is avoiding talking to Julia because she’s being “a Debbie Downer.” Joe is in middle school.
“Villains gonna vill” makes its return!
Samantha’s real laugh is like that awkward forced laugh when your drunk friend is getting too touchy and you try to nicely push them far away
Ok you have to admit it’s funny they tried to make it look like Clare had a phone convo with her raccoon homie
Probably shouldn’t zoom in on Kirk’s sun poisoning if we’re trying to frame him as “the sexiest guy here”
When Jorge the bartender jumps in on the date card presentation hahahaha
Carly’s all “tryna fuck?” and Kirk’s like “preferably not, my apologies”
When Dan says “worldwind” instead of “whirlwind” ://///
Wait can they please reveal what red flags Dan didn’t immediately see about Ashley S? I really feel like they’re all pretty blatant
Carly’s eyebrows are 3 times as dark and thick as Kirk’s, I’m just saying
Kirk is trying so hard to communicate with Carly and she’s just heart eye emoji
I think Dan may be the only dude here capable of a successful breakup
Wait, why are they allowed to have cell phones on BIP???????
Carly missed her brother’s wedding in Ireland for this garbage?? Girl….
Well that was a quick change of heart, Kirk *Marvin Gaye plays in background*
“Aloha, Mexico!” ://///
Is anyone truly surprised Megan and Ashley I are friends
JJ makes self-deprecating jokes about unemployment. Sad.
“She’s like a pinball machine” ummm what does that mean Kirk? Do I even want to know?
“If a trash bag asked me out on a one on one, I would’ve said yes” alright JJ, desperation isn’t cute on anyone
I have absolutely no idea what they just bleeped out of Joe’s dialogue
Watching Joe and Samantha aggressively make out is making me beyond uncomfortable this shit is like NC-17
“Look at this douchebag,” says undeniably the biggest douchebag in the house who coincidentally is also wearing American flag shorts
Why is Jade even a part of this conversation tho
OOOOOOH when Julia pulls Samantha in!!!!! *snap*
Joe doesn’t even know Julia’s name #ok
——
Shit is getting REAL in paradise as dudes are getting stolen and sex is finally making an appearance after two whole weeks in the house.
Yet for me, the notable thing about this episode is the presence of technology. It is well known that Bachelor(ette) contestants are prohibited from using cell phones, laptops, tablets, etc. to communicate with anyone outside of the show during filming. Internet, TV, and even magazines aren’t allowed in the house/wherever they film. It’s odd to me that 2 contestants on BIP whipped out their formerly prohibited cell phones on camera in this episode. Even more odd is it comes during the episode where the social media storyline between contestants (much like Nick and Kaitlyn, before she knew she was the next Bachelorette) comes into play. Coincidence, or subtle context clue?
Either way, I can’t wait until I watch tonight’s episode tomorrow to see which smarty pants can catch Joe and Samantha in their lie, as they continue to deny knowing each other prior to BIP filming, even though literally everyone could immediately tell (I kind of hope it’s Tanner, tbh. Dude needs more airtime.)
Livefeed of the most dramatic episode thus far, BIP 8/16
——
Jared popping out from behind that tree gets me every time
Chris Harrison is like god damn it Clare I’m so sick of ur shit after 3 seasons with u
Ashley I has a shit eating grin because she’s not the one crying at this particular moment
Mikey wants to curb stomp Clare with all his testosterone now
Joe sure blinks a lot for someone who seems like their brain might not be fully functioning
Nice flash tat Samantha, which srat are u in
“She’s the perfect specimen, how can I compete with that?”
—thoughts every woman has had at one point, we feel for you Julia :’(
Social media is ruining the Bachelor franchise because now all these weirdos from different seasons talk and hook up OFFSCREEN TOO
Samantha literally looks like a Barbie….r u real? Are thighs that thin and eyes that blue humanly possible?
Ew that flashback of Joe violently attacking Julia’s mouth to prove a point actually proves nothing except he could probably chew your lip off if he tried hard enough
There was approximately 0 dialogue on Joe and Samantha’s date. I bet they really got to know each other on a deeper level.
Joe is avoiding talking to Julia because she’s being “a Debbie Downer.” Joe is in middle school.
“Villains gonna vill” makes its return!
Samantha’s real laugh is like that awkward forced laugh when your drunk friend is getting too touchy and you try to nicely push them far away
Ok you have to admit it’s funny they tried to make it look like Clare had a phone convo with her raccoon homie
Probably shouldn’t zoom in on Kirk’s sun poisoning if we’re trying to frame him as “the sexiest guy here”
When Jorge the bartender jumps in on the date card presentation hahahaha
Carly’s all “tryna fuck?” and Kirk’s like “preferably not, my apologies”
When Dan says “worldwind” instead of “whirlwind” ://///
Wait can they please reveal what red flags Dan didn’t immediately see about Ashley S? I really feel like they’re all pretty blatant
Carly’s eyebrows are 3 times as dark and thick as Kirk’s, I’m just saying
Kirk is trying so hard to communicate with Carly and she’s just heart eye emoji
I think Dan may be the only dude here capable of a successful breakup
Wait, why are they allowed to have cell phones on BIP???????
Carly missed her brother’s wedding in Ireland for this garbage?? Girl….
Well that was a quick change of heart, Kirk *Marvin Gaye plays in background*
“Aloha, Mexico!” ://///
Is anyone truly surprised Megan and Ashley I are friends
JJ makes self-deprecating jokes about unemployment. Sad.
“She’s like a pinball machine” ummm what does that mean Kirk? Do I even want to know?
“If a trash bag asked me out on a one on one, I would’ve said yes” alright JJ, desperation isn’t cute on anyone
I have absolutely no idea what they just bleeped out of Joe’s dialogue
Watching Joe and Samantha aggressively make out is making me beyond uncomfortable this shit is like NC-17
“Look at this douchebag,” says undeniably the biggest douchebag in the house who coincidentally is also wearing American flag shorts
Why is Jade even a part of this conversation tho
OOOOOOH when Julia pulls Samantha in!!!!! *snap*
Joe doesn’t even know Julia’s name #ok
——
Shit is getting REAL in paradise as dudes are getting stolen and sex is finally making an appearance after two whole weeks in the house.
Yet for me, the notable thing about this episode is the presence of technology. It is well known that Bachelor(ette) contestants are prohibited from using cell phones, laptops, tablets, etc. to communicate with anyone outside of the show during filming. Internet, TV, and even magazines aren’t allowed in the house/wherever they film. It’s odd to me that 2 contestants on BIP whipped out their formerly prohibited cell phones on camera in this episode. Even more odd is it comes during the episode where the social media storyline between contestants (much like Nick and Kaitlyn, before she knew she was the next Bachelorette) comes into play. Coincidence, or subtle context clue?
Either way, I can’t wait until I watch tonight’s episode tomorrow to see which smarty pants can catch Joe and Samantha in their lie, as they continue to deny knowing each other prior to BIP filming, even though literally everyone could immediately tell (I kind of hope it’s Tanner, tbh. Dude needs more airtime.)
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