Because I am a great person, I helped Shelby move out of her apartment today as she lingers between leases and moves back to her parents’ house in Ohio for 2 weeks. She found an unopened bottle of wine in her fridge and passed it on to me, because I look like the type of person who needs free wine (she’s not wrong).
Which I realized would be the perfect addition to me and Amanda’s last night living together/Bachelor in Paradise viewing party of two. I cooked us dinner, and we enjoyed our free wine and split a brownie Amanda brought home from work. We’re poor, but cute.
So here we go, live feed from 8/10 episode.
——
Mikey in his too small underwear= not necessary on camera
Do you think Jade’s boobs are fake? The contestants were talking about it one time and now I can’t decide either
Mikey’s one attractive quality was his beard, so shaving was probably not the best move to get Clare back
WTF IS MIKEY’S LITTLE FOUNTAIN SPOUT PONYTAIL? SAD ATTEMPT AT A MAN BUN, BUD
“She’s like a child in a woman’s body” is exactly how I would describe Ashley I also, Kirk
Jared has moves and it makes me uncomfortable because I still think he’s a vampire
Was it necessary to play the audio of Clare sexually screaming for the entirety of the bungee jump
NOOOOO they played that clip of Joe saying “gimme that rose” again like I prayed they wouldn't
I know Julia means that her butt hurts because they went horseback riding but hehehehe
Don’t listen to him, Joe, you’re definitely not pretty enough to be a model, unless we’re talking about those Geico caveman commercials
Am I the only one who thinks Tenley is really fake and annoying
How does JJ know Michael is a Notre Dame grad (ew, btw) and a corporate lawyer? I feel like he might be a Bachelorette fan girl
“I wish diarrhea on Michael” was maybe too specific of a wish, Josh
Second time this season Mikey has asked permission to kiss someone and gotten denied #lolz
Does the show provide wardrobe for the contestants? All the mens’ cuffed white linen vacay pants are a bit much
Why would you want to eat dinner with your feet in standing water? That’s not romantic that’s weird AF
When Jared tries to dump Clare by ~casually~ mentioning she’s 8 years older ://///
I kind of feel bad for Mikey??? What is the nonsense feeling
Ashley S is proof that being a total fucking weirdo doesn’t mean you can’t be pretty!
Mikey is always so sweaty. Sad.
Am I a totally shitty person for not being able to take Joe seriously because of his accent
They played the “gimme that rose clip” AGAIN. I’m done with this show. Bye.
The snake onscreen during Joe’s voiceover symbolizes his sinister motives. I know this because I am a comm major. (Hire me pls)
Mikey seems like he has a small dick
“Go drink a protein shake”
—what my muttered response to everything Mikey says would be too, Joe
Jonathan wearing a vest and red pants in Mexico…….at least it’s not white linen pants
Jonathan crying over being a bad friend to Joe is actually so sweet if you disregard the fact that Joe is evil…..SOMEBODY LOVE THIS MAN
Yeah Michael is 10000000% gay
Ashley I’s face lights up when she talks to Jared. Precious.
Jared looks like a BOMB ASS KISSER ooooh lawdddd
Which I realized would be the perfect addition to me and Amanda’s last night living together/Bachelor in Paradise viewing party of two. I cooked us dinner, and we enjoyed our free wine and split a brownie Amanda brought home from work. We’re poor, but cute.
So here we go, live feed from 8/10 episode.
——
Mikey in his too small underwear= not necessary on camera
Do you think Jade’s boobs are fake? The contestants were talking about it one time and now I can’t decide either
Mikey’s one attractive quality was his beard, so shaving was probably not the best move to get Clare back
WTF IS MIKEY’S LITTLE FOUNTAIN SPOUT PONYTAIL? SAD ATTEMPT AT A MAN BUN, BUD
“She’s like a child in a woman’s body” is exactly how I would describe Ashley I also, Kirk
Jared has moves and it makes me uncomfortable because I still think he’s a vampire
Was it necessary to play the audio of Clare sexually screaming for the entirety of the bungee jump
NOOOOO they played that clip of Joe saying “gimme that rose” again like I prayed they wouldn't
I know Julia means that her butt hurts because they went horseback riding but hehehehe
Don’t listen to him, Joe, you’re definitely not pretty enough to be a model, unless we’re talking about those Geico caveman commercials
Am I the only one who thinks Tenley is really fake and annoying
How does JJ know Michael is a Notre Dame grad (ew, btw) and a corporate lawyer? I feel like he might be a Bachelorette fan girl
“I wish diarrhea on Michael” was maybe too specific of a wish, Josh
Second time this season Mikey has asked permission to kiss someone and gotten denied #lolz
Does the show provide wardrobe for the contestants? All the mens’ cuffed white linen vacay pants are a bit much
Why would you want to eat dinner with your feet in standing water? That’s not romantic that’s weird AF
When Jared tries to dump Clare by ~casually~ mentioning she’s 8 years older ://///
I kind of feel bad for Mikey??? What is the nonsense feeling
Ashley S is proof that being a total fucking weirdo doesn’t mean you can’t be pretty!
Mikey is always so sweaty. Sad.
Am I a totally shitty person for not being able to take Joe seriously because of his accent
They played the “gimme that rose clip” AGAIN. I’m done with this show. Bye.
The snake onscreen during Joe’s voiceover symbolizes his sinister motives. I know this because I am a comm major. (Hire me pls)
Mikey seems like he has a small dick
“Go drink a protein shake”
—what my muttered response to everything Mikey says would be too, Joe
Jonathan wearing a vest and red pants in Mexico…….at least it’s not white linen pants
Jonathan crying over being a bad friend to Joe is actually so sweet if you disregard the fact that Joe is evil…..SOMEBODY LOVE THIS MAN
Yeah Michael is 10000000% gay
Ashley I’s face lights up when she talks to Jared. Precious.
Jared looks like a BOMB ASS KISSER ooooh lawdddd
I bet Clare leaves dramatically tonight instead of just giving her rose to a rando
Lol knew it
——
WTF BIP? You’re just gonna leave it like that? Do Mikey, JJ, Michael, and Jonathan ALL go home?? Even for this franchise, sending 4 people home is unprecedented. If anyone goes home, it should be Michael, considering in his like 8 total minutes of screen time, it’s clear he’s gay. Next week, I'm pretty excited to see how Joe dumps Julia to make out with the porn star looking girl he's been waiting for from Chris's season, which I watched and still have no recollection of dis bitch. Whatever, I’m going to Tina Tuesday.
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