Like the stereotypical college students we are, Amanda and I are too poor for cable. Luckily, we [have friends who] have Netflix, HBO Go, and Hulu, so we’re never out of things to watch. The problem is we religiously follow one particular current cable franchise: The Bachelor/Bachelor in Paradise. (Do I really have a blog where 1/3 of the posts are dedicated to The Bachelor? Why am I so mom) We can’t watch the show on cable, but we can watch it 24 hours later when it’s posted on Hulu. So enjoy (or ignore….probably ignore) my 24 hour late live feed of Sunday’s Bachelor in Paradise episode:
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How is Lauren’s personal hell a two week vacay in Mexico?
“I'm kind of a mistress but he’s not married”
Oh——
How is Lauren’s personal hell a two week vacay in Mexico?
“I'm kind of a mistress but he’s not married”
What the fuck are Carly’s eyebrows
THAT DRAMATIC ZOOM ON THE HULA GIRL TAT nearly killed Amanda and I…..the producers of this show should seriously consider comedy
Why does JJ hate Josh so much? Did Josh tell Kaitlyn about him and Clint in the hot tub?! i don’t remember that
Ashley and Lauren have such a horrible relationship….they attack each other's self esteem like nobody’s business and have weird attachment issues
Why the fuck would you have to drag your suitcase through the sand to get to the cab
JJ’s shoulder tattoo is seriously so bad
When Tanner says Joe is tough competition but Joe can’t read……
How did Joe even get on The Bachelorette? Why couldn’t I get on The Bachelor? #salty
This “Clare talks to animals when she’s upset” editing would probably be more effective with Ashley S
Raccoons are my biggest fear and I cannot watch this monster open this perfectly good bottle of wine!!!!!!
Jonathan hopes Joe and Julia don’t have a good time #SAVAGE
When Josh thinks Tokyo is in China ://///
Tenley: What do you got JJ
JJ: A LOT
I think that was rhetorical
Jonathan hopes Joe and Julia don’t have a good time #SAVAGE
When Josh thinks Tokyo is in China ://///
Tenley: What do you got JJ
JJ: A LOT
I think that was rhetorical
Jonathan thinks Joe is using Julia to get a rose but actually Joe walked into the house with a date card not knowing anyone and Julia literally just kept saying “i want to go horseback riding” so I'd have to say that one was all her
“He’s a welder from Idaho who does molly????” will be the best line from this season
“He’s a welder from Idaho who does molly????” will be the best line from this season
When Tenley talks about her past she makes it seem like she exclusively accidentally dates guys with drug problems
No I seriously can’t look at Carly’s eyebrows who let her go on TV like that
Joe loves kids *creepy smile*
I’m really not seeing this “Joe is sexy” thing
“JJ is a good man”???? Yah good at cheating on his wife
I’m really not seeing this “Joe is sexy” thing
“JJ is a good man”???? Yah good at cheating on his wife
The show should be narrated by Dan imitating Joe's accent
Also Dan could pass for Hugh Jackman
Mikey: I don’t think I should have to try this hard
Tenley: Then maybe don’t try
I have a feeling he has had this exact conversation at least 4 times in his life
Where is Jared in this episode
When Ashley I squats and conspicuously pees on the beach like no one can tell what she’s doing ://///
Why do they pretend having crabs run rampant all over the house is normal (ha ha no pun intended I’m sure everyone’s genitals are mostly crab-free)
Joe: She’s not very smart, is she??? UR AN ASSHOLE JOE. BYE JOE.
Amanda just pointed out that Kirk looks like Owen Hunt from Grey’s Anatomy and now I can’t unsee
WHEN JONATHAN WAS RIGHT ABOUT JOE PLAYIN THE GAME FOR A ROSE *audible gasp in our living room*
“Casually letting my balls hang out of my shorts in 2 different seasons of The Bachelor franchise: A memoir” by Joe
“Juicy lips” is a phrase that never needs to be said, especially not in reference to Jared
“Mikey’s perception of reality is a little skewed” yah well you’re all participants on the same reality tv show, bud
Only on BIP could Jared ever be the guy everyone is fighting over
Poor Ashley I and her Kim Kardashian crying face. Sad.
Mikey is the kind of guy who will claim he’s in the "friend zone" instead of taking a fucking hint
Also the kind of guy who calls himself Mikey into his 30s
WHAT IS THAT WET SPOT WHERE CLARE WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIM??? AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW THAT?
Also Dan could pass for Hugh Jackman
Mikey: I don’t think I should have to try this hard
Tenley: Then maybe don’t try
I have a feeling he has had this exact conversation at least 4 times in his life
Where is Jared in this episode
When Ashley I squats and conspicuously pees on the beach like no one can tell what she’s doing ://///
Why do they pretend having crabs run rampant all over the house is normal (ha ha no pun intended I’m sure everyone’s genitals are mostly crab-free)
Joe: She’s not very smart, is she??? UR AN ASSHOLE JOE. BYE JOE.
Amanda just pointed out that Kirk looks like Owen Hunt from Grey’s Anatomy and now I can’t unsee
WHEN JONATHAN WAS RIGHT ABOUT JOE PLAYIN THE GAME FOR A ROSE *audible gasp in our living room*
“Casually letting my balls hang out of my shorts in 2 different seasons of The Bachelor franchise: A memoir” by Joe
“Juicy lips” is a phrase that never needs to be said, especially not in reference to Jared
“Mikey’s perception of reality is a little skewed” yah well you’re all participants on the same reality tv show, bud
Only on BIP could Jared ever be the guy everyone is fighting over
Poor Ashley I and her Kim Kardashian crying face. Sad.
Mikey is the kind of guy who will claim he’s in the "friend zone" instead of taking a fucking hint
Also the kind of guy who calls himself Mikey into his 30s
WHAT IS THAT WET SPOT WHERE CLARE WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIM??? AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW THAT?
I never ever need to see that clip of Joe saying "Gimme that rose” again
——
And there you have it. Apparently I hate Joe.
Amanda and I were so anxious to watch tonight’s episode that we tried to illegally stream it off her laptop. It didn’t work. Guess we’ll have to wait until tomorrow. ~sigh~
——
And there you have it. Apparently I hate Joe.
Amanda and I were so anxious to watch tonight’s episode that we tried to illegally stream it off her laptop. It didn’t work. Guess we’ll have to wait until tomorrow. ~sigh~
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