The Bachelorette week 5 6/27

I can’t remember what I’ve done this week because my brain has melted from living in a 90 degree pit of Hell without AC.

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Why do I feel like Buenos Aires isn’t as romantic as everyone says

What a nice brown suit Chris Harrison

Lol I forgot Robby already said I love you

Jojo: what if I fall in love with 2 people just like Ben!!!!!
Chris: I would greatly enjoy that

Robby’s outfit is so unbelievably bad

Why do the guys periodically just yell “JOJO!” into the abyss? 

That date card is quite demanding knowing that Wells hasn’t kissed her

Jojo: HAHA THAT’S FUNNY ISN’T IT LUKE U ASSHAT

Why is it a bad thing that Wells hasn’t kissed her? That’s honestly kind of sweet

Aw Wells bought her a bracelet. I DOUBT THAT GUYS WHO HAVE KISSED HER WOULD’VE DONE THAT

America’s Next Top Model fans will recognize that pool thing

What the fuck is this date? It’s like they’re trying to set Wells up for failure

Alright well that kiss looked better than some of the other kisses I’ve seen on this show so suck it Luke

“You and I are probably pretty different” but you don’t know for sure because you don’t know her very well

Wells is the sweetest. Heart is melting

NOOOOO JOJO FEEL THE SPARK

I respect Wells for being a realist. Love is not a fairy tale in real life

I cried

Rt if you cried too

Fuck you Alex, you’re next anyway

When Jojo goes to the weird art rave date she was supposed to go to with Wells alone

Another terrible outfit from Robby

Alex why are you wearing a shitty zip up hoodie on a date 

“These are my boyfriends”

Jordan is that guy that takes things too seriously in gym class

I feel the same way about James Taylor that James Taylor feels about James Taylor

Jojo’s hand inching toward Luke’s dick

Luke is like a bad Clint Eastwood cowboy

Luke and Jojo on that bench are the closest thing to sex on camera that they’ve ever allowed on this show

Lmao when Derek laughs at Chase and Chase declares this “not funny”

Complaining about other contestants is a super big risk. Complaining about the Bachelor(ette)’s favorite contestant is almost never a good idea

Jordan: “Oh that altercation with James Taylor in which I was correct and James was not? Oh, that.”

Jordan getting aggressive AF in being confronted about being an entitled smug douchebag fuck boi

Alex looks dirty and unkempt

Robby: *laughs nervously* what is wrong o holy one

Alex is loving the drama and sipping the damn tea

The fact that this entire conversation is happening because of poker is hilarious

When Jojo gives the rose before even talking to Robby or Alex (on camera)

Chase aggressively cuts off Derek to get the hug first

Ugh I want Chase to look at me the way he looks at Jojo during this tango

There’s something really weird about Derek’s face idk

Derek said frickin’ twice in 6 seconds so he’s out

Are there people out there that look like Chase? Are they real? Can *I* date someone who looks like Chase???

I don’t want any of these guys to win 

Don’t pick Derek

Thx

I don’t like Derek but I mean she didn’t give any indication that things were not going well on the date and she also gave him zero explanation why he went home

“Is this Don’t Cry for Me Argentina?!?!”

—Emma

The scenes of Derek crying are uncomfortably long

Chase is quite literally exactly what my dream guy would look like. Personality would be different though

Jojo and Jordan would have beautiful brown eyed children whose names also start with “Jo”

Jordan just aggressively kisses Jojo abruptly to shut her up and I definitely hate that

Alex looks pale and nauseous

Alex’s head comes up to Robby’s Adam’s apple

That’s a VERY shiny suit, Chris Harrison

“What just happened?”

—Chris any time anything happens

Luke (group date), Chase (two on one), Robby, Alex, and James T ALL get roses. Wells and Derek were the only ones to leave earlier

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Do you feel like this blog was a little short? Me too. That's because the past couple episodes have been so boring I don't honestly have anything to say about them. I literally didn't even watch (or write anything down) about the group date because I'm bored to tears. Maybe if Jojo would stop giving time to guys who shouldn't be there then we'd have something worth watching (yes I know this is ironic given my love for Evan, bye).

Case in point: When the hell is Alex going home??????????????????

For real. All this dude is good for is talking shit. Not to mention he's far too short to be Jojo's type. I'm not saying I liked Derek in the slightest or that I thought Jojo would pick him in the end. But really? Alex over Derek? Next!

Given that all of America thought Alex and James were both going home until the last minute, I am pleased that it appears as though my final 4 prediction will be correct.

With that being said, let's get the show really started. Send Alex and James home, Jojo!