The Bachelorette week 3 part 2 (6/7)

Alright so last night I tried a new format for the blog and literally no one liked it, so we’re going back to the regular version. Don’t mess with perfection, right?

Anyway, here’s the ~dramatic conclusion~ of week 3 part 2!

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Daniel raises a legit question: would Chad be more mad if Chris sent him home or Jojo??

Evan has no idea what pushing Chad is talking about. Evan is a lover, not a pusher

Everyone has collectively decided just not to speak to Chad under any circumstances from now on

Side note: why are all the guys wearing weird necklaces? Was it arts and crafts day at the mansion? Is that the only way they can wear microphones when shirtless?? I really want it to be the first one

Jojo taking shots by the pool is me

This cocktail party is the best cocktail party ever

The synchronized dive from the guys was so precious

Words cannot describe how happy I am it was just a simple dive that made Evan bleed

WOW STRADDLING JORDAN IN THE BIKINI JOJO YAH *fire emoji*

There is so much caressing going on on this bench #sex

I feel similarly skeptical about Jordan, Jojo….dude is a little TOO hot and a little TOO charming. Quite suspicious

Where are all the other guys when Jojo and Jordan are making out on a bench?????

I want to see the flamingo pool floatie and swan floatie fight

Robby wearing a button up over his bathing suit. Doooooooouche

“Even Chad is having fun” the fact that you have to say that shows that HE IS NOT FUN TO BE AROUND

What is that neon green stuff Chad is always drinking? Bro juice?? The blood of people he has killed???

I applaud Jojo for constantly calling Chad out on his shit. Yas girl.

“You’ve got bleeding, crying, sensitive guy with kids” why is Chad acting like he’s never bled?? And since when is being a dad (aka impregnating a female) not masculine??

WHY is Chad listening to all the guys’ conversations? Go lift some weights

Derek: are you shaking my hand

Chad: not yet
Derek: ok

Derek calling out Chad’s misogynistic comments *heart flutters*

Why is Chad acting like it’s not possible to have a job and also watch TV

At the rose ceremony:

Chase (one on one), Evan (group date), James T (one on one), Grant, Derek (!!!), Jordan, Luke, Robby, Wells, James F, Vinny, Daniel (???), Alex, and Chad receive roses. Christian, Ali, and Nick are sent home. 14 guys remain!

What the HELL is up with this show and unique methods of air transportation

I’m confused by the choice of rural Pennsylvania as a romantic location but I’ll keep an open mind

Luke got a one on one card that includes the word “mush” and I would love if they were dog sledding

OMG they ARE dog sledding 

(PSA: I am not into racing dogs or having dogs pull me on a sled I just wanted to see the pups)

I just thought about all the wood my dad chops because our house is also heated by wood and I really wish I wasn’t thinking about my dad while watching The Bachelorette

I need to lose some weight so a dude can pick me up with one arm and lower me into a hot tub

Something about Luke’s voice is boring as hell 

Also you’re not supposed to drink alcohol in a hot tub, c’mon

Why are strawberries a sexy food? Questions

Why do they keep showing footage of a bear 0% of me believes a Bachelorette camera guy captured that footage

I’m not really into Luke but that little monologue is one of the best damn conversations I’ve ever heard on this stupid show

Also what is with this show and forcing the contestants onstage with country bands? Wtf?

Hey so I’m really incredibly pissed off to see Ben Rapistberger on my favorite TV show right now. Get the fuck out

Omg look at Evan trying so hard, omg my heart :(

James T is just bleeding down his damn face, this is some ignorance

The only way Chad can think of to get someone to shut their mouth is to hit their mouth. Huh.

So far tonight Chad has blamed Evan, Derek, and Alex as the singular reason for his problems

Good luck Evan!!!! Try your hardest!!! (But don’t get hurt pls)

Wait Evan actually did a good job!!!! And Derek too!!!! #PROUD

Excuse me Chase?? Talking shit about Evan is the quickest way to NO LONGER BE MY FAVORITE

Why do I love Robby? I would probably date Robby

(Yes I’m aware I called Robby a douche a few lines up, leave me alone)

Scale of 1 to 10 how immature am I for laughing out loud when Jojo said “There’s something in Robby that could blow me away”

Jordan and Jojo’s physical chemistry is bomb

Jojo: I can’t really read you
Jordan: *rubs leg*

Jojo: ok pls accept this rose

I never condone violence but I would be so satisfied seeing Alex beat the shit out of Chad

I want to know what happened to Chad as a child that made him so Chad

Chad: Jordan, you think this is a show
….is that not what I’m currently watching on my television

When the house is dead ass silence and Chad symbolically sits in a chair behind the couch that every single guy is currently sitting on

Alex looks cute. Bring it home buddy!!!!

I would 100% trust Alex in the wilderness more than Chad

Hey remember when Chad made fun of everyone for talking about their feelings too quickly? Remember how Chad just said him and Jojo’s relationship was beyond everyone else’s currently?? :-)

This is a terrible fucking date lol neither of these guys are exactly conversationalists and then you consider the Battle of Chad

When Chad says if he doesn’t get the rose he’ll be taking Alex’s teeth home…Chad would totally murder someone if he didn’t get his way (like if a woman rejected him…………)

I’m sad for Alex that his time with Jojo had to be spent talking about Chad :(

Jojo confronting Chad head on gives me LIFE. What a badass rational lady

Sad that the first time Jojo cries this season is over CHAD

When Chad whistles you know something scary is about to happen

Laying on a blanket on a rock can’t possibly be very comfortable

Bets that the thermos is full of whiskey??

Chad: have a glass of milk

Alex: no I don’t like milk

Chad: well it’s delicious

CAN YOU IMAGINE CHAD INTERACTING WITH JOJO’S BROTHERS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My favorite part of this show is when the security guys come and take the suitcase of the loser of the 2 on ones and all the people back at the house pop a bottle of champagne when they see whose luggage it is. I want to do that next time I remove someone toxic from my life

Literally what is Chad doing? He’s supposed to be stranded in the wilderness crying. That’s what happens to the reject of the 2 on 1

I am well aware that Chad running his fingers down the door was staged but holy hell I am terrified regardless

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One word: CHAD.

(Fun fact: his name appears 35 times in this post.)

That’s literally all I have to say.

See y’all in 2 weeks.