The Bachelorette week 4 (6/20)

Normally when I come home, it’s because I need a little escape and time with my dog. However, this time it’s because it was 80 degrees when I woke up in Ann Arbor and I don’t have air conditioning. AC is possibly the only good thing about this trip home, though, because 1) when I went to pick up Oliver, he ran away and refused to get into my car, 2) my mom is out of town, and 3) there are 3 almost empty bottles of wine in our fridge, all of which I can accurately estimate have been open for 6+ months. 

That’s not stopping me from drinking it, though. 

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James Taylor and his fucking guitar

Alright a protein powder ash spreading is amazing

These spliced in images of Chad whistling in the woods are TERRIFYING ME and I’m home alone, I can’t handle this

“Wassup, how was your date?”

—guy who just celebrated his absence by tossing protein powder in the wilderness

These guys are trying to reconcile with Chad on the off chance that he somehow was not actually sent home

“I’m sorry that you think gripping my hand like this is intimidating me”

Chad’s boyfriend Daniel is just silently eating mac and cheese on the outskirts of this scrum

I forgot Jojo and Alex were still on a date

Jojo is wearing heeled boots and is still shorter than Alex….how short is she?!?!

James Taylor needs to be sent home for wearing a button down with lime green athletic shorts. Among other things.

Who the hell let them light a firework-like object in the house

I’m not entirely sure what I’m watching between Chase and Jojo. Where did those come from

Can you imagine getting engaged a little more than 2.5 months after meeting someone? My relationship with this wine is older than that

Chase: Robby just kissed Jojo in front of all of us and now I’m not sure why I brought out inflatable balls

Am I the only one who would not really be attracted to someone writing a poem for me

I think Luke stepped right out of a Nicholas Sparks novel

I want Wells, Derek, and Evan to start their own pseudo-gang

Something about Jordan backing Jojo into a corner to aggressively kiss her was no bueno

So when are Jojo and Jordan having sex

“I hate him” makes me feel like she’s talking about her rose sending ex

Luke, Jordan, Alex, Derek, Robby, Chase, Wells, Grant, Vinny, James T, and Evan receive roses. Daniel and James F are sent home.

I’m not going to lie if Jojo gave Vinny a rose and not Evan there would be hell to pay. Evan shall NOT go home before Vinny

“Obviously my personality is shit” 

Why Uruguay 

I have this theory that Robby wears makeup

When Jordan has swiped up all the roses available so far and still gets a one on one

I would like very much if my body looked like Jojo’s

I think Vinny’s hat should disqualify him from the competition

As well as Jordan’s seal impression

Remember when Bachelor(ette) contestants weren’t allowed to have access to current news sources or cell phones??? Me too

Although admittedly, the producers have been allowing them for the best possible reasons

JOJO MET JORDAN’S EX!?!?!?!? JUICY

The look on Jordan’s face when Jojo asked whether there was cheating makes me feel as though there was cheating

Idk if I believe anything Jordan says but I sure like looking at him

Why did she just take his jacket off in the middle of the street

I love when the producers get involved on camera

Jojo’s reaction to the magazine rumor is the same way I react when someone asks me some dumb shit about my exes too lol

This is just an ad for InTouch magazine

(Btw InTouch is a terrible publication that outed Caitlyn Jenner as trans before she announced it herself, don’t ever buy it)

Is anyone surprised Jordan and Robby are having a spa day

Hey guys you could’ve just gone to Sleeping Bear for this date

What do you do when it rains in Uruguay

The fact that Alex is always the first to call out some other guy makes me feel like maybe Alex is the shitty one

Of course Derek slid right in and got that rose

Everyone I know who watches this show loves Wells, dude must be into some weird shit or something if he’s still single

(Side note HUGE shout out to Zillow for using a Lumineers song in their ad)

DOG

Every date should have a dog, can we make that happen @producers

Isn’t Robby from Florida? And he knows this little Spanish?

This cliff date is so cute even though I think I’m afraid of cliffs

I’m also afraid of Robby saying I love you this early in

Chase and Alex are kind of pissing me off. Lil bullies

Robby’s story is making sad af

THIS IS TOO EARLY ROBBY. TOO. EARLY.

I love how Jojo doesn’t want to be like Ben and say it back so she just has to say thank you lol

I actually agree with Derek, they’re being catty little assholes

What does who has a rose and who doesn’t have anything to do with anything

Seriously am I missing something?? What did Derek do wrong?

I can’t help but feel Wells and Evan are going home and I am prematurely sad

Chase calm tf down you’re not going home

WHY IS ALEX ACTING LIKE DEREK CANCELED THE COCKTAIL PARTY

So in love with Jojo’s green dress

Jordan (one on one rose), Derek (group date rose), Luke, Chase, Alex, James, and Wells receive roses. Vinny, Evan, and Grant are going home :(

I AM DEVASTATED FOR EVAN

STOP THIS EVAN. JUST STOP IT

I don’t really feel bad for Grant or Vinny tbh

What did Jojo just say to Vinny as he left??

Just kidding I do feel bad for Vinny

Damn Jojo must be amazing for all 3 of these guys to be crying this week

OMG THE FINALE THIS SEASON IS GOING TO BE CRAY

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Damn is it just me or was this episode actually extremely boring?

Why does every episode have to be two hours if they're just going to jam it full of useless shit and two rose ceremonies??

Truly the only thing worth mentioning at this time is goodbye, Evan. You will be dearly missed and I will forever try to remove the heartbreaking scene of you crying how disappointed you are in yourself from my memory. </3

I really wanted to place my bet for the top 3 right now, but I just realized there’s a wild card in my deck….I can’t determine what place each ends up in yet, but I’m calling Jordan, Robby, Chase, and Luke as the final four. Pretty boys ftw.

One more thing: Bachelor in Paradise premieres August 2nd. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See you next week!