The Bachelor week 6 (2/8)

Bad news: Amanda and Emma can’t join me for this week’s episode.
Good news: Anna doesn’t have pom practice tonight so we can finally watch an episode together as ~roommates~ for the first time all season. Also, I have wine and Oreos.

————————————

Lol all the girls got asked about Olivia

No Olivia you aren’t being targeted because you got the first 2 roses you’re being targeted because ur giant bitch

“I like reading books and thinking” those are also my favorite pastimes

Ben: why are the girls intimidated by you

Olivia: WHAT WE HAVE IS REAL *cries*

Olivia looks like a baby turtle

The phrase “come at me bro” was already dead but Olivia just murdered it again

NEEEEEEED Jojo’s dress

Hey I’m confused by Leah’s continual existence on this show

I could use a Bahamas trip right now but I guess 40 degrees in February is ok too

Why is Caila acting so excited about fishing

Why the fuck would you curl your hair before you go fishing

It appears Leah is also questioning her continual existence on this show

Ben is ~soOoOoOoO~ hot

I HIGHLY doubt deep sea fishing is one of Ben’s favorite activities 

Leah: there’s no reason for me to be here
Me: nope not really

I don’t know why but I started laughing uncontrollably when they showed Caila fishing

“I could totally see myself with Ben, he’s told me I’m beautiful” oh honey bless ur heart

Caila jumps off the boat and Anna goes “well there goes her hair” HAHA

“So….you smile a lot” gr8 conversation starter

Ben talking about crying and being vulnerable makes my heart leap ugh

I’m confused about what Caila is supposed to be crying on his shoulder about

Lol Caila just comes out and says she’ll probably break Ben’s heart #ok

EMILY’S FACE DURING THE 2 ON 1 ANNOUNCEMENT

Olivia just described Emily as young…..they are both 23

Tbh if someone told me they think they love me but they’re going to break my heart I would be equally confused as Ben

Caila needs to stop this verbal diarrhea

“It’s almost attractive that Caila can be confusing” Ben..............WHY

That majestic swimming pig shot omg

Thank you producers for that shot of Ben’s ass in that mint green bathing suit

I would be scared of the pigs if I were in person but they sure are adorable from my couch

*doggy paddling* “Hey Jojo…how are u doing”

Leah and Jojo are talking but all I can foxus on is the piggy in the background *heart eyes*

I feel like it’s awkward to sit in the water and cry about a guy when he’s like 15 feet away

Leah’s dress is in the window at Verbena currently FYI. Thought about buying it

I’m not sure how that short of a conversation between Ben and Becca could have “really helped them move forward”

That 2 on 1 date card is giving me anxiety

Lauren B is so pretty I want to cry

Can I just say that Ben drinking red wine is v attractive

Waiiiiiiiiiit Leah just planted the seed….

LEAH YOU FAKE BITCH why lie like that

Why is Leah more hell bent on preventing Lauren B from getting a rose than getting one for herself

Lol Amanda spitting truth about Leah while caressing Emily’s arm

Leah: Ben doesn’t know anything about me
Leah: *spends entire time in his suite talking about someone else*

This boat ride looks nice and romantic

Olivia is so tacky. Is it possible for dialogue to be tacky?

LOL Emily correctly predicting that Olivia is spending the entire time talking about how great she is

“Deep intellectual things are my jam” :///

Olivia is like “I said I love you I’m winning fuck u Lauren B I’m winning”

OH MY GOD HE’S SENDING OLIVIA HOME

EMILY THINKS HE ISN’T BUT HE DEFINITELY IS

There’s a “but…” here

“I don’t think I can reciprocate those feelings” OH HOT DAMN MY FRIENDS

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

Olivia’s like ha ha ok see you at rose ceremony tho!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHA Olivia just watches Emily accept her rose from across the beach

My favorite part about this series is when the person who gets dumped on the two on one date gets stranded in a remote location

I’m like slightly concerned Ben is going to launch himself off this cliff into the ocean

Omg Ben just referred to his “light at the end of the tunnel” which is how I described what my tattoo means to me at the casting call….uggggghhhhhh

I can’t believe Lauren B actually thinks she’s going home over the first negative thing he’s heard about her that he already sent someone else home over

Yo Lauren from Ann Arbor is finally going home 

*drains Franzia box in celebration*

—————————————

Wow, talk about a crappy vacation. I think the only happy person tonight is Emily.

BESIDES ME!!!!!!!!!

Like nearly everyone, I didn’t know I hated Leah until tonight, because I had forgotten she existed. Never have I ever in a single episode so quickly had a bounty on a girl’s head. Even though I die a little every time Ben says Lauren B's name, I am fiercely protective of her and I don’t want some dumb nobody who everyone had forgotten was still on the show to jeopardize Ben and my favorite contestant. You know what they say: talk shit, get kicked off The Bachelor. (Or whatever.)

AND…..BYE LAUREN FROM ANN ARBOR!!!! You stayed 6 weeks longer than you should have. Considering you weren’t supposed to be there in the first place. Take ur chicken suit and LEAVE!

Also I live half a block from a party store so I’m seriously contemplating buying a bottle of shitty $6 sparkling wine simply so I can pop the bottle in celebration of Olivia’s departure (much like Carly after Kelsey was sent home from her two on one with Farmer Chris and Ashley I #tbt). Finally we can stop focusing our attention on this psycho attention seeking canceled weirdo and get back to the girls who aren’t (probably) producer plants.

Additionally, I just want to thank the producers for the beauty that is the two on one date. The awkwardness, the realization that it is not at all a date, the way they always leave the loser stranded in a remote location while the other 2 leave in some unique method of transportation. It is all so utterly made for TV and it absolutely warms my cold dead soul.

In some ways, I feel like I *should* address the preview of the second half of the season, but I simply can’t. I don’t want to talk about the way Ben crying makes me feel…or the way him telling not 1 but 2 girls he loves them…..or how he has a ring. Tbh I wish the season would just end right now because I can’t emotionally handle the rest of it. I might be pathetic.

The one thing from that preview I will address though is this Bachelor 20 thing next Sunday! Personally I haven’t been a fan of the Bachelor franchise for very long, so some of the older contestants will mean literally nothing to me. But this little shindig is exciting because a) Ashley I makes her return and b) TANNER AND JADE ARE FINALLY GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

I’m leaving this week so joyous that I know it can only go downhill from here. Reality [TV] bites.