The Bachelor week 3 (1/18)

Pros of this weekend: super fun, booked my spring break trip, didn’t have class today

Cons of this weekend: spent all my money on a plane ticket/shopping spree/bar binge, cannot possibly fathom going to class tomorrow, currently 9 degrees outside, realized how quickly graduation is coming

Pass the wine pls

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$40,000 on clothes?!?!?!

“I’m in a relationship with Ben” no ur on a dating show

Olivia looks super different without makeup

YES LAUREN B YES YES

Jubilee’s got that McKayla Maroney face down

Every time Ben says Lauren B I feel so many feels

Ok that date is scary but adorable and honestly if Ben told me our date was going to involve us jumping off a cliff I’d be like “nothing has ever sounded more fun than that”

Olivia is so salty she's on the ground and not in the air

What the hell is up with these hot tubs

Ben’s kinda cheesy but I don’t even care

“Dang it you’re cute” be still my heart

Uh oh Caila’s the first to break down and realize other girls are dating Ben

Jojo appears to have zero understanding of what Caila is saying

“It’s hard to have an open heart when you could see it being broken” DEEP

Ok I have a dress exactly like the one Lauren B is wearing. Sigh. 

Ben seems more nervous than Lauren 

Wait who the hell is Rachel

I love when Ben talks about his parents

“The gift of looking at you” tho

Omfg Ben just booped her nose omFGGGGG

Ben…..country music? :(

It is so natural looking the way they’re both holding the rose as they make out

The noise someone just emitted when Ben said “Hey ladies, down here”= same

Olivia says soccer is the one sport she knows nothing about but I feel like it’s impossible to know nothing about soccer. Kick ball. No hands.

How is Jubilee already so sure she’s not Ben’s type

Amber would know what the appearance of Chris Harrison means since she’s been on this show 9 times

I feel secondhand embarrassment every time I see the twins

“We’re totally gonna win cuz we’re the Stars” so fckin clever dude

Lace: wait goalies can touch ball????

Actually hella impressed by goalie Emily

How did they all play such an “intense” game and yet no one’s hair or makeup is out of place

I can’t believe Olivia is only 23. Am I going to become that pretty/adult looking in a year too

Olivia’s accent is coming out more in each episode. HOWDY, y’all

HAHA I love knowing Olivia has bad breath. Giant stanky mouth

Jubilee what the actual fuck is that reaction

Amber’s blonde fluffy hair looks like puppy dog ears

“I’m hopeful too!” Ben says to Amber in a fake enthused voice

Olivia trying to reassure herself by imagining secret interactions with Ben

“When I care about someone, I’m awkward” what

I am truthfully surprised Ben even asked Jubilee on a one on one

Ben and Jubilee are terrible together I can’t watch this for however many more minutes

Are they sitting incredibly far away from each other or is it just me

Jubilee is one of those “I’m hard to love, I’m so complicated” girls

Every single thing Jubilee has said in this hot tub has me cringing

The view off the edge of that pool is incredible

(Amanda is sitting on my couch still baffled by the “white boy” comment 5 minutes later)

The room they’re in is so echoey and it’s distracting the hell out of me

Like I’m just imagining they’re in the castle from Beauty and the Beast

…..did Jubilee just twist her backstory into some sort of “I can’t go home without a husband” BS?

Clearly survivor’s guilt, Ben. Look it up

I’m aware it would be horrendously terrible of Ben not to give Jubilee the date rose after the conversation they just had but I really don’t think she deserved it

I’m starting to think Ben likes self-described complicated women

Wait I’m confused why all the girls are surprised Jubilee came home? She lives there?

“I know Ben wants a wife who will get along with all the other soccer moms” that comment alone makes me want to slap the shit out of Lauren from Ann Arbor

When someone just died and Olivia is crying over her cankles :///////

I mean I wouldn’t turn down a free massage either but I’m not sure Ben realizes there’s also some selfish motives attached to sensually rubbing him in front of the other girls

Amber is like an awkward donkey

WHY is Jubilee napping outside during the cocktail party

Ew Jubilee those white shoes go against my personal values

Anyone else feel like there wasn’t any drama until Jubilee started talking about her rose and refusing to talk to the girls

Lace: Ben is talking to Jubilee which is taking away from my time specifically with him and no one else’s

Jubilee and Amber both end up looking like idiots in front of Ben in this situation

Let’s make this simple and just send Jubilee, Amber, and Lace home right now

If 2 girls sent themselves home those are 2 spots that could’ve gone to someone who WANTED TO BE THERE

I’m starting to think Ben hands out the roses in no particular order, which is confusing me to no end

I’m so glad Ben gave Olivia a little scare. Bish needs a reality check

It’s funny that Jami is so offended because I can’t remember any time in which she interacted with Ben

Damn Jami I can taste the salt from here

What Ben meant by squeezing Olivia’s waist: here’s your rose, glad you’re still here

What Olivia thinks it meant: truthfully I cannot give you a date rose or call you first every week because that would reveal to the other girls that I am completely in love with you and they need to believe that they’re still in the running so I am just going to squeeze your waist after calling your name last in hopes that you silently understand my intentions and feelings for you

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Jubilee just came out of nowhere and my hate is real.

While I do feel bad for her hearing her life story, there are few things as irritating to me as hearing someone describe themselves as “complicated, damaged, difficult to understand” etc. Obviously Jubilee has had a traumatic life, but I dislike when people push this rhetoric on themselves that they are an especially deep person. Every person you meet will have some complicated aspects of their personality, as well as insecurities and reservations when it comes to dating. You’re no more difficult to understand than any other human, so it’s best not to make that the focus of your conversation and cross those bridges when you get there.

As for Olivia, I can’t help but be annoyed as shit that she felt it necessary to redeem her body image to Ben during the cocktail party. Yes, it was super petty of the other girls to be nit picking her “ugly toes” but when you’re jealous of a pretty girl sometimes you have to assure yourself she’s not a robot. Knowing these insecurities, her anxiety after hearing the girls discussed them is understandable. That would suck. But to attempt to discuss those anxieties with Ben before the other girls were able to (which would never happen??? Shit talking another girl’s toes is terribly unsexy conversation) after he just told you 2 of his friends died is fucking weird and insensitive. No one cares about your toes that much, Olivia.

Things I hope to see next week

—Jubilee is the next to send herself home

—just one of the twins gets sent home

—a shot of Olivia’s toes (ok I kind of care)