The Bachelor week 2 (1/11)

Even though I only had 2 days of school last week, those 2 days and the 4 nights I went to the bar were super exhausting and not that swell, so to say I’ve been looking forward to tonight is a slight understatement.

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Why is Kevin Hart here

I just remembered Becca was here and now I’m upset all over again

Why is Lace so obsessed with eye contact

“Kill em with your eyes” I’m not sure that’s the phrase you were looking for Olivia

“Maybe he’s into tall brunettes named Lace” yep that’s exactly what that date card meant

Ben walking out of that school omg so hot

Since when are group dates like this

“Red, just like my heart” Ben you are limited to 1 dumb statement per episode

You know who could place Indiana on a map?? A PERSON FROM MICHIGAN, NAMELY ME

Wow I don’t play basketball but at least I know how my hands are supposed to be on the ball

OH MY GOD I WOULD’VE WON THE FINAL CHALLENGE

IS THIS A JOKE

Based on Mandi’s poor understanding of the varsity jacket I’m not entirely sure she went to high school

Do u think Lace had a nose job

Becca seems a hell of a lot more practiced in speaking than her last season

BEN JUST TOTALLY INITIATED THAT KISS OH DAMN THAT SHIT WAS HOT

I was praying Jennifer wouldn’t go back and tell the whole group they kissed but I simply can’t get anything I hope for with this show

Holy shit that clip of Olivia and her giant mutant mouth will haunt my dreams until the season is over

Lace says they’re making “eye contact galore” but considering there’s not a single other person in the room I’d be concerned about his mental state if he wasn’t looking at you

Ben complimenting Jubilee’s smile just made my heart soar

Omg Ben can grab my shoulders like that ANY day

“We’ve had 0 time” uhhh well go get him

If I was Ben, Lace would be gone like yesterday

Ugh I feel so happy for Jojo on that roof right now

I bet Jennifer’s wondering wtf happened on that roof

REALLY not a fan of the random celebrity appearances on The Bachelor now

“You gotta pay, you gotta let her know you grown” wise relationship advice from Ice Cube

Why are they even still bothering to ask Lace’s opinion 

I’d be pissed if I was Caila….get these 2 random guys off our date

When Ice Cube suggests Hennessy…………smh

“What’s your favorite color?” This date isn’t going very well, is it

When was the last time you were able to have a coherent conversation in a convertible on the highway?

The tackiness of sitting in a hot tub store, even if it’s a gag, is something I cannot look past

I dig Ben’s choice in drink. God bless this man

Caila is boring me

If Ben ever said “Cheers to you” to me I think I’d cry on the spot

100% align with the sort of things Ben is looking for based on past relationships. Sigh. Need 2 find my Ben

Ben has stellar music taste. Damn. Very impressed

That date was really romantic until Caila described it

Close ur damn mouth Olivia 

I really need the twins to not be on this date

I’d be so sad if Ben smelled my “odor”. One time I went to a Pure Romance party and found out my pheromones smell like pepper :(

If Ben got a boner you would totally be able to see it on that thermal camera

Olivia makes me want to drop a brick on my own foot

Ben is so kind, not kissing her because other people are watching. So considerate of the feels

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT FACE OLIVIA KEEPS MAKING

Why is Olivia casually wearing his jacket

Again. With. The Face.

Amanda: where’d you guys go

Olivia: I dunnoooooooooo

???????

“Olivia’s the worst”
—mantra of this season

“Can I smell you again?” Be still my heart

Shushanna just shows up in the US with 2 bottles of vodka. My kind of girl

With the exception of her voice, Amanda’s pretty real

Wait why is Ben wearing a jacket with a hoodie under it

I wish you could all hear the sound I uttered when Ben said “Kids don’t scare me”

I need Olivia to remember that she got the highest compatibility score out of half the group. Half the girls weren’t even there

Amber’s hair offends me

He’s super into putting his jacket on people??

Olivia: *breathes condescendingly*

I gotta tell you, Lace, I’m confused by this school bus story

Jennifer hardly gets screen time but when she does she goes hard

I just cried a little when he pulled out that picture of him and Lauren B (for multiple reasons)

Lauren from Ann Arbor is so over the top and annoying. Bye

Ok I was kind of joking when I said I cried over the Lauren B pic but there were real physical tears over the barrette making

What if he sends Samantha home and is like “I’m more into sweet not sour sry”

Amber is sitting here in self pity when she has made approximately 0 attempts to speak to Ben

Jubilee with the second rose? Leah before Jennifer????

He’s trying way too hard to give Lace a fair chance

Anyone else keep forgetting about Shushanna?

AMBER IS SO IRRELEVANT WHAT EVEN IS OCCURRING

Samantha is going to go her whole life insecure about her body odor

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First of all, my heart and soul are so happy tonight because of how things went with Amanda and Lauren B (how did she not even go on a date and still have such a strong showing?? Amazing.) Though I realistically don’t think Ben and Amanda are a great match, she seems sweet and real and I’m happy that Ben gave her some (incredibly sweet) validation.

Secondly, even though I said my dream date for TV purposes would be at the Michigan vs. IU game, my real dream date would be a lot closer to his date with Caila. Live folk/soul music? Add a beer and I’m in heaven. The jealousy was extra real with this one.

As far as Amber, if you’ve ever debated how much of a role the producers play in who stays and who leaves, I don’t think you need any more evidence than tonight. A central theme in tonight’s episode was that Amber apparently has yet to speak to Ben alone one time, and yet she gets a rose? Pretty early in the ceremony? I don’t get it.

As for Lace, I don't that either. Obviously in the past how many years of reality TV’s existence it has become clear that producers plant certain contestants to upkeep the drama. But was that a producer move or Ben’s choice? Lace keeps continually making attempts to fix things and then further fucks them up, so maybe, being the nice guy he is, he just wants to finally get her in the right situation to give her a fair chance before sending her home? Either way, I don’t think she’ll be able to stay sober long enough. 

And Olivia….sigh. Cocky bitches, man. All I have to say is that when the entire house is complaining that a girl is showing one personality to the girls and another to the guy, it always comes to light. I think it’ll really bother Ben when he finds out, but Olivia will do a pretty good job of convincing him they're all just jealous.

But here’s the real question: will I be able to get through this season without physically harming myself every time Olivia opens her mouth? (Either to speak or just to leave it gaping open??) Unclear at the time of print.