The Bachelor week 4 (1/25)

This morning in class I realized that the month of February is going to be my most stressful month this semester. Just a few minutes ago I realized February is next week.

———————————

Why is everyone "exhausted" all they do is sit around

Cool flannel buttoned up all the way to the top, Olivia

Not gonna lie I’m disappointed in humanity that Vegas is the marriage capital

Totally forgot Emily and Haley work in Vegas...LOL

When the girls see that sign they’re like the definition of Woo Girls from HIMYM

They supposedly just arrived yet they all already have wine

Can you imagine all the endless free wine you want???

“Zen with Ben”

Somehow I just don’t see how Manwich and the Bachelor go together

Weren’t the twins 22 at the beginning of this?

Jojo looks at Ben like he just puts the stars in the sky

OMG HAHAHAHAHA EVERYTHING ABOUT THE OVERTURNED COCKTAIL TABLE SITUATION

Olivia: I’m not threatened by any one on ones
*4 minutes later*
Olivia: This is really hard to watch :(

After last week I think Jubilee needs a break and should sit out of the group date

Fuming bc Becca

I know I’ve been pulling for Lauren B but I’m obsessed with Jojo

Idk 5 months isn’t that long if they really hurt you that bad

Ever wonder how long the dates actually are? Like how much more is said that we don’t see?

“FUCK” 

—Emma on my couch watching the fireworks

That beautiful shot of Ben and Jojo making out in front of the skyline right as Olivia says “They’re probably making out”……well done, producers

Honestly have never noticed Ben’s nose

Lauren from Ann Arbor you dumbass when has there ever been nudity on this show

Ummmm guess who spent 15 years performing onstage? I would win this talent show hands down

So they just happen to have a cello there for Jubilee

I highly doubt Olivia has a secret talent

Lauren from Ann Arbor looks like she’s going to vomit. She must suck

Olivia in this costume is embarrassing to my soul

Idk what “bam shabam” means

Caila has a bomb body

“In it to twin it” ://

The twins may be able to Irish step dance but I can tap dance AND do flips so I still would win

I am feeling INTENSE secondhand humiliation for that chicken suit and joke……

OLIVIA WOULD JUMP OUT OF A FUCKING CAKE

AND DANCE THE LEAST SEXY DANCE IN HISTORY

PLEASE NEVER SHIMMY WITH THAT FACE AGAIN

OR WALK LIKE THAT

Olivia is such a try hard. I would feel bad for her if I didn’t hate her

Olivia realized a little too late what she just did

I really don’t need Oprah yelling “I LOVE BREAD” at me

I would also be mortified if I were Ben

What about jumping out of a cake in a showgirl costume to impress someone DOESN’T scream marriage material?????

Ben saying “you look so gooooood” would be creepy if it were anyone else

“I’M JUST GONNA GO FOR IT” *attacks face*

Ben just used the phrase "sex panther" and I feel ?????

Well quiet confidence is definitely better than whatever Olivia has

“I have like, hives” no you're just blushing from pure embarrassment 

Shut the hell up Lauren from Ann Arbor was NOT THE CUTEST GIRL OF ALL TONIGHT

This puppet thing is weirding me out. She just kissed a fucking puppet

Ben: Like it wasn’t bad at all

Ben: I mean
Ben: Yeah actually it was pretty bad

Olivia staring into the camera while biting her finger for a full 30 seconds is something I never needed to see

Lauren B and Ben definitely have the closest thing to an actual relationship so far

Aw I feel bad for Emily for having her time interrupted

….until she said “have a good one”

Ben getting annoyed with how apologetic Olivia is

Literally just screamed YESSSS when he said Lauren B <333333

Olivia……stop…..you can’t honestly think your time with him was “valuable”

Let’s place bets on which twin goes home if only one does. Odds are pretty good *lolz*

“I would love to marry Ben on my first date” I mean wouldn’t we all

Um the nasty comments are unnecessary, Jubilee. Bitch

Ben: Uh so I got ordained….lol

Ben prepares to marry people by stretching his hamstrings. Kk

Wow how sad would you feel if there was no one but 3 strangers and a camera crew at your wedding

Hearing Ben recite these vows is like wow much too emotional for me I need to lie down

Ben has a church voice. He definitely reads passages at church

I feel incredibly uncomfortable watching that Asian couple share their first kiss

Ooh a full moon, Yasmeen taught me that’s a good sign for a new love

Hold up tho this sign graveyard thing is AWESOME

LOL @ Ben describing that Becca didn’t give a shit when Chris was about to propose to her

Ughhhh Ben talking about religion is like the one thing I wouldn’t really be able to relate to (forgive me, Father, for I am the worst Catholic)

I am not ok with Ben and Becca discussing their possible marriage 

*drives the twins home*
*leaves them there*

So they both live with their mom still??

Ugh I want Ben to meet my mom

It was kind of Ben not to send one of them home from the rose ceremony….I guess?

Ugh I wish I was at this cocktail party in Vegas right now

“There’s our boyfriend!” Not wrong but still awkward

Ben has looked increasingly annoyed with Olivia tonight

Cake??????

Here we go with the ~secret language~ again

Was that his eyes lighting up or was it fear?

“I’m falling the fastest! I’m winning!” 

—Olivia

Second time Caila has aggressively attacked face tonight

I literally would love for Ben to build up my confidence like that

Jubilee got almost no air time this week but still managed to make sure it’s known she’s complicated!!!!!

“ALL EYES ARE ON ME!!!”
—Olivia in 5 words

If Lauren from Ann Arbor could make it this far imagine how far the real one would get

I am so scared of Olivia

Olivia reads a lot of romance novels. That explains a lot

Ben looked so reluctant to give Olivia that rose…..he SIGHED

Don’t worry, the odds of Amber being back for BIP are preeeeetty good

Damn the camera just caught everyone watching Amber as she walked away bawling lol ouch

———————

YESSSSSS!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am soooooooo happy the conversation surrounding Olivia is finally going to make its way back to Ben next week! After begging and groveling for affirmation, Ben is pretty clearly annoyed that Olivia isn’t able to just be herself. I’m so excited that next week she’s finally going to do something shitty enough that the women feel it necessary to say something. Beyond ready for this.

Really the only other thing worth discussing from this episode is that painful “two on one date” that was actually just a nicer and more cost efficient way of sending Haley home. I don’t know if it was painful to watch because she just got dumped, because one of them (honestly don’t even know which) had framed pictures of her ex everywhere, or because Ben and Emily laid horizontally on a bed in their mom’s house like 7th graders and called it a date. Likely a combination of all 3.

Also, it looks like Ben finally finds Jubilee’s “I’m so difficult and complicated, love me but don’t” act unappealing and although I’m not entirely sure what was happening with Lauren from Ann Arbor in that preview, things don’t look good. All my dreams are coming true!

(Except for actually being there. That dream is still not coming true. Sigh.)

The Bachelor week 3 (1/18)

Pros of this weekend: super fun, booked my spring break trip, didn’t have class today

Cons of this weekend: spent all my money on a plane ticket/shopping spree/bar binge, cannot possibly fathom going to class tomorrow, currently 9 degrees outside, realized how quickly graduation is coming

Pass the wine pls

—————————

$40,000 on clothes?!?!?!

“I’m in a relationship with Ben” no ur on a dating show

Olivia looks super different without makeup

YES LAUREN B YES YES

Jubilee’s got that McKayla Maroney face down

Every time Ben says Lauren B I feel so many feels

Ok that date is scary but adorable and honestly if Ben told me our date was going to involve us jumping off a cliff I’d be like “nothing has ever sounded more fun than that”

Olivia is so salty she's on the ground and not in the air

What the hell is up with these hot tubs

Ben’s kinda cheesy but I don’t even care

“Dang it you’re cute” be still my heart

Uh oh Caila’s the first to break down and realize other girls are dating Ben

Jojo appears to have zero understanding of what Caila is saying

“It’s hard to have an open heart when you could see it being broken” DEEP

Ok I have a dress exactly like the one Lauren B is wearing. Sigh. 

Ben seems more nervous than Lauren 

Wait who the hell is Rachel

I love when Ben talks about his parents

“The gift of looking at you” tho

Omfg Ben just booped her nose omFGGGGG

Ben…..country music? :(

It is so natural looking the way they’re both holding the rose as they make out

The noise someone just emitted when Ben said “Hey ladies, down here”= same

Olivia says soccer is the one sport she knows nothing about but I feel like it’s impossible to know nothing about soccer. Kick ball. No hands.

How is Jubilee already so sure she’s not Ben’s type

Amber would know what the appearance of Chris Harrison means since she’s been on this show 9 times

I feel secondhand embarrassment every time I see the twins

“We’re totally gonna win cuz we’re the Stars” so fckin clever dude

Lace: wait goalies can touch ball????

Actually hella impressed by goalie Emily

How did they all play such an “intense” game and yet no one’s hair or makeup is out of place

I can’t believe Olivia is only 23. Am I going to become that pretty/adult looking in a year too

Olivia’s accent is coming out more in each episode. HOWDY, y’all

HAHA I love knowing Olivia has bad breath. Giant stanky mouth

Jubilee what the actual fuck is that reaction

Amber’s blonde fluffy hair looks like puppy dog ears

“I’m hopeful too!” Ben says to Amber in a fake enthused voice

Olivia trying to reassure herself by imagining secret interactions with Ben

“When I care about someone, I’m awkward” what

I am truthfully surprised Ben even asked Jubilee on a one on one

Ben and Jubilee are terrible together I can’t watch this for however many more minutes

Are they sitting incredibly far away from each other or is it just me

Jubilee is one of those “I’m hard to love, I’m so complicated” girls

Every single thing Jubilee has said in this hot tub has me cringing

The view off the edge of that pool is incredible

(Amanda is sitting on my couch still baffled by the “white boy” comment 5 minutes later)

The room they’re in is so echoey and it’s distracting the hell out of me

Like I’m just imagining they’re in the castle from Beauty and the Beast

…..did Jubilee just twist her backstory into some sort of “I can’t go home without a husband” BS?

Clearly survivor’s guilt, Ben. Look it up

I’m aware it would be horrendously terrible of Ben not to give Jubilee the date rose after the conversation they just had but I really don’t think she deserved it

I’m starting to think Ben likes self-described complicated women

Wait I’m confused why all the girls are surprised Jubilee came home? She lives there?

“I know Ben wants a wife who will get along with all the other soccer moms” that comment alone makes me want to slap the shit out of Lauren from Ann Arbor

When someone just died and Olivia is crying over her cankles :///////

I mean I wouldn’t turn down a free massage either but I’m not sure Ben realizes there’s also some selfish motives attached to sensually rubbing him in front of the other girls

Amber is like an awkward donkey

WHY is Jubilee napping outside during the cocktail party

Ew Jubilee those white shoes go against my personal values

Anyone else feel like there wasn’t any drama until Jubilee started talking about her rose and refusing to talk to the girls

Lace: Ben is talking to Jubilee which is taking away from my time specifically with him and no one else’s

Jubilee and Amber both end up looking like idiots in front of Ben in this situation

Let’s make this simple and just send Jubilee, Amber, and Lace home right now

If 2 girls sent themselves home those are 2 spots that could’ve gone to someone who WANTED TO BE THERE

I’m starting to think Ben hands out the roses in no particular order, which is confusing me to no end

I’m so glad Ben gave Olivia a little scare. Bish needs a reality check

It’s funny that Jami is so offended because I can’t remember any time in which she interacted with Ben

Damn Jami I can taste the salt from here

What Ben meant by squeezing Olivia’s waist: here’s your rose, glad you’re still here

What Olivia thinks it meant: truthfully I cannot give you a date rose or call you first every week because that would reveal to the other girls that I am completely in love with you and they need to believe that they’re still in the running so I am just going to squeeze your waist after calling your name last in hopes that you silently understand my intentions and feelings for you

———————————

Jubilee just came out of nowhere and my hate is real.

While I do feel bad for her hearing her life story, there are few things as irritating to me as hearing someone describe themselves as “complicated, damaged, difficult to understand” etc. Obviously Jubilee has had a traumatic life, but I dislike when people push this rhetoric on themselves that they are an especially deep person. Every person you meet will have some complicated aspects of their personality, as well as insecurities and reservations when it comes to dating. You’re no more difficult to understand than any other human, so it’s best not to make that the focus of your conversation and cross those bridges when you get there.

As for Olivia, I can’t help but be annoyed as shit that she felt it necessary to redeem her body image to Ben during the cocktail party. Yes, it was super petty of the other girls to be nit picking her “ugly toes” but when you’re jealous of a pretty girl sometimes you have to assure yourself she’s not a robot. Knowing these insecurities, her anxiety after hearing the girls discussed them is understandable. That would suck. But to attempt to discuss those anxieties with Ben before the other girls were able to (which would never happen??? Shit talking another girl’s toes is terribly unsexy conversation) after he just told you 2 of his friends died is fucking weird and insensitive. No one cares about your toes that much, Olivia.

Things I hope to see next week

—Jubilee is the next to send herself home

—just one of the twins gets sent home

—a shot of Olivia’s toes (ok I kind of care)

The Bachelor week 2 (1/11)

Even though I only had 2 days of school last week, those 2 days and the 4 nights I went to the bar were super exhausting and not that swell, so to say I’ve been looking forward to tonight is a slight understatement.

———————

Why is Kevin Hart here

I just remembered Becca was here and now I’m upset all over again

Why is Lace so obsessed with eye contact

“Kill em with your eyes” I’m not sure that’s the phrase you were looking for Olivia

“Maybe he’s into tall brunettes named Lace” yep that’s exactly what that date card meant

Ben walking out of that school omg so hot

Since when are group dates like this

“Red, just like my heart” Ben you are limited to 1 dumb statement per episode

You know who could place Indiana on a map?? A PERSON FROM MICHIGAN, NAMELY ME

Wow I don’t play basketball but at least I know how my hands are supposed to be on the ball

OH MY GOD I WOULD’VE WON THE FINAL CHALLENGE

IS THIS A JOKE

Based on Mandi’s poor understanding of the varsity jacket I’m not entirely sure she went to high school

Do u think Lace had a nose job

Becca seems a hell of a lot more practiced in speaking than her last season

BEN JUST TOTALLY INITIATED THAT KISS OH DAMN THAT SHIT WAS HOT

I was praying Jennifer wouldn’t go back and tell the whole group they kissed but I simply can’t get anything I hope for with this show

Holy shit that clip of Olivia and her giant mutant mouth will haunt my dreams until the season is over

Lace says they’re making “eye contact galore” but considering there’s not a single other person in the room I’d be concerned about his mental state if he wasn’t looking at you

Ben complimenting Jubilee’s smile just made my heart soar

Omg Ben can grab my shoulders like that ANY day

“We’ve had 0 time” uhhh well go get him

If I was Ben, Lace would be gone like yesterday

Ugh I feel so happy for Jojo on that roof right now

I bet Jennifer’s wondering wtf happened on that roof

REALLY not a fan of the random celebrity appearances on The Bachelor now

“You gotta pay, you gotta let her know you grown” wise relationship advice from Ice Cube

Why are they even still bothering to ask Lace’s opinion 

I’d be pissed if I was Caila….get these 2 random guys off our date

When Ice Cube suggests Hennessy…………smh

“What’s your favorite color?” This date isn’t going very well, is it

When was the last time you were able to have a coherent conversation in a convertible on the highway?

The tackiness of sitting in a hot tub store, even if it’s a gag, is something I cannot look past

I dig Ben’s choice in drink. God bless this man

Caila is boring me

If Ben ever said “Cheers to you” to me I think I’d cry on the spot

100% align with the sort of things Ben is looking for based on past relationships. Sigh. Need 2 find my Ben

Ben has stellar music taste. Damn. Very impressed

That date was really romantic until Caila described it

Close ur damn mouth Olivia 

I really need the twins to not be on this date

I’d be so sad if Ben smelled my “odor”. One time I went to a Pure Romance party and found out my pheromones smell like pepper :(

If Ben got a boner you would totally be able to see it on that thermal camera

Olivia makes me want to drop a brick on my own foot

Ben is so kind, not kissing her because other people are watching. So considerate of the feels

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT FACE OLIVIA KEEPS MAKING

Why is Olivia casually wearing his jacket

Again. With. The Face.

Amanda: where’d you guys go

Olivia: I dunnoooooooooo

???????

“Olivia’s the worst”
—mantra of this season

“Can I smell you again?” Be still my heart

Shushanna just shows up in the US with 2 bottles of vodka. My kind of girl

With the exception of her voice, Amanda’s pretty real

Wait why is Ben wearing a jacket with a hoodie under it

I wish you could all hear the sound I uttered when Ben said “Kids don’t scare me”

I need Olivia to remember that she got the highest compatibility score out of half the group. Half the girls weren’t even there

Amber’s hair offends me

He’s super into putting his jacket on people??

Olivia: *breathes condescendingly*

I gotta tell you, Lace, I’m confused by this school bus story

Jennifer hardly gets screen time but when she does she goes hard

I just cried a little when he pulled out that picture of him and Lauren B (for multiple reasons)

Lauren from Ann Arbor is so over the top and annoying. Bye

Ok I was kind of joking when I said I cried over the Lauren B pic but there were real physical tears over the barrette making

What if he sends Samantha home and is like “I’m more into sweet not sour sry”

Amber is sitting here in self pity when she has made approximately 0 attempts to speak to Ben

Jubilee with the second rose? Leah before Jennifer????

He’s trying way too hard to give Lace a fair chance

Anyone else keep forgetting about Shushanna?

AMBER IS SO IRRELEVANT WHAT EVEN IS OCCURRING

Samantha is going to go her whole life insecure about her body odor

—————

First of all, my heart and soul are so happy tonight because of how things went with Amanda and Lauren B (how did she not even go on a date and still have such a strong showing?? Amazing.) Though I realistically don’t think Ben and Amanda are a great match, she seems sweet and real and I’m happy that Ben gave her some (incredibly sweet) validation.

Secondly, even though I said my dream date for TV purposes would be at the Michigan vs. IU game, my real dream date would be a lot closer to his date with Caila. Live folk/soul music? Add a beer and I’m in heaven. The jealousy was extra real with this one.

As far as Amber, if you’ve ever debated how much of a role the producers play in who stays and who leaves, I don’t think you need any more evidence than tonight. A central theme in tonight’s episode was that Amber apparently has yet to speak to Ben alone one time, and yet she gets a rose? Pretty early in the ceremony? I don’t get it.

As for Lace, I don't that either. Obviously in the past how many years of reality TV’s existence it has become clear that producers plant certain contestants to upkeep the drama. But was that a producer move or Ben’s choice? Lace keeps continually making attempts to fix things and then further fucks them up, so maybe, being the nice guy he is, he just wants to finally get her in the right situation to give her a fair chance before sending her home? Either way, I don’t think she’ll be able to stay sober long enough. 

And Olivia….sigh. Cocky bitches, man. All I have to say is that when the entire house is complaining that a girl is showing one personality to the girls and another to the guy, it always comes to light. I think it’ll really bother Ben when he finds out, but Olivia will do a pretty good job of convincing him they're all just jealous.

But here’s the real question: will I be able to get through this season without physically harming myself every time Olivia opens her mouth? (Either to speak or just to leave it gaping open??) Unclear at the time of print.

The Bachelor week 1 (1/4)

Is there a way for me to effectively introduce my live stream of the premiere episode of the Bachelor season I hoped to appear on??? No, there isn’t, except to let you know that I was armed with Franzia, leftover Christmas cookies, and in the company of my best friend and mother (who may or may not have been laughing at me, idk). So let’s just get to it.

And also I would like to remind everyone one more time that casting said they were going to put a star on my application for the producers. Ok, now let’s get to it.

——————

Already not ok with the amount of kissing and love shit happening in this intro

“He is my husband” that’s funny because he absolutely is not

All he has said is “I’m Ben Higgins” and I’ve already typed “slay me omg” so

Okay I’m not saying this to be dramatic but Ben’s yard actually looks exactly like my yard, barn and everything

And Warsaw looks A LOT like Owosso…

Literally everything about Ben talking about his hometown is EXACTLY HOW I THINK OF MY HOMETOWN, I TRIED TO EXPRESS HOW CRUCIAL THIS WAS TO BOTH OF US  TO CASTING

Ben wants a girl with “small town values” hey remember how I told casting that I vibe better with people from small towns in the midwest, because we tend to have had similar life experiences and value the same things in life? Haha me too *cries self asleep*

EVEN THE DEER THEY FILMED LOOK LIKE THE ONES IN MY YARD OH MY FUCK
(I realize all deer look the same but you know what I mean)

I relate to Ben’s fear of being unlovable so much that it was actually the final deciding factor in why I went to the casting call. Kk this is getting too deep, need more wine

Wait if his parents live on a lake where was that barn???

My mom just confirmed that everything Ben’s parents are saying to him right now are things she has also expressed to me, in case you were wondering if I just made up this fallacy that we are perfect for each other

What is this McDonalds commercial???? I’m extremely uncomfortable

Side note: is another Kung Fu Panda movie really necessary

LOL really hoped to never see Chris again

I personally find Jason to be irrelevant

Chris and Whitney dropped their engagement about a month after the show so I think DON’T LISTEN TO THOSE ASSHOLES BEN BE TRUE TO UR BEAUTIFUL SELF

I forgot that Chris is the most boring human ever

Close up on Ben fixing his belt??? Absolutely into it

He keeps referring to hopefully walking away with a “young lady” and I can’t tell if that’s adorable or weird

Chris Harrison, missed u bae

The first Lauren B is in a bikini in California. O fucking k

Caila broke up with her boyfriend because she felt compelled to date a guy on TV??? BYEEEEE

Jubilee????????????????????????????????????

Mandi is the new Ashley S

The twins are a damn joke, I’m not even taking the time to learn their names

“It doesn’t really seem like they want normal people on this show…..so don’t feel bad”

-my mother

Amanda is from Orange County and sells organic skin care products??? That’s the absolute opposite of small town midwest values but kk casting, you definitely know what Ben wants

Tiara is a dumb bad name. She will be going by Chicken Bitch from now on

Pictures of chickens on Bach is the equivalent of talking to animals on BIP!

Not super intrigued by Samantha but she’s an attorney and from my favorite vacation town so she’s ok I guess

I just received a text that said I’m way too smart to be on this show. Thanks for the ego boost guys but tbh marrying Ben would’ve been the best ego boost of all ~sigh~

Omg when he said “hi Lauren” that’s how he would’ve said my name. I am dead

Caila jumping into his arms was the most awkward thing ever and definitely not the best first impression ever, he’s just being nice

Jami is def beautiful so I GUESS I’m ok with him greeting her with “hey beautiful”

You know I have this strange feeling Samantha did not just find out she passed her exam but that’s just me

Excuse me Ben you do not like that dress

Amanda you might be the opposite of what Ben supposedly wants but holy shit you’re beautiful ugh

Ur name is Lace?? That is not a name

Also why would you want the first kiss if it was going to be that terrible you turdsack

Lauren just talked right over him and didn’t tell him her name….people skills are hard

Shushanna………………………………………………

Nope nope nope everything about bending over and pulling up your dress is NO

Those unicorn heads quite frankly terrify me but I also laughed so you know what I’m down with Jojo

Lauren from Ann Arbor no matter what you say I HATE YOU BECAUSE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAUREN FROM ANN ARBOR ON THE SHOW

Her friends call her Red Velvet? That’s a weirdly sexual nickname so I doubt that

Mandi you did not just use the word pollenate

I feel u Laura I feel pretty ugly in my glasses and yoga pants with cookie crumbs on them too

“I don't think this should be a ‘we’ kind of thing”

—Amanda about the twins

“Yes we’re here! We’re twins!” Hey are you really

Ben’s side eye to the horse was the best part of these introductions

Pretty sure introducing yourself by saying you’re gluten-free is the best way to get a one way ticket home

Does LB have eyebrows

To show up on a first date with your wedding invite already printed. BOLD to say the absolute least

I want Ben to look at me the way he looked at Olivia 

He just asked Olivia if her dimple was real (???) and admittedly this is the first time he’s ever lost points in my book

They’re all saying how much better Ben looks in person and I feel sad for myself that I cannot confirm this

Ben I slightly disagree with the statement that it could not have gone better but hey this isn’t my show

Girl who is fanning herself, keep it in your pants my friend

In theory Olivia leaving her job to be on the show sounds good but….

Key point: Olivia stresses that she loved that her job allowed her to give back to the community (which I might challenge but whatever)...hmmm

Chris Harrison looking at Becca when she got out of the limo just made the entire episode for me

I would fear Lace would kill me in my sleep

Also Lace how bout you open your mouth when you speak, bud

I wouldn’t exactly call Ben’s reaction to seeing Becca a good reaction

How many Bachelor shows is Amber going to appear on before she realizes this gig isn’t for her

“Do you mind if I steal him?” the most passive aggressive phrase used on this show

Ben’s response to Lace trying to sexually assault his face is PERFECT. Amazing

Why does Lace look pissed off that he wanted to get to know her better? I am confused?

WHY is Ben so considerate of women’s feelings??? Not saying it’s bad, this is just so foreign of a concept

Placing my bet: first impression rose goes to Olivia

If Olivia is insecure about the first impression rose then that’s a testament to how intimidating of an environment this show much be

“Lauren B took my breath away” omg dat’s me

I don’t dig Jennifer thus far but I dig the things he just said to her

I’m not super down with Olivia getting the first impression rose, but I do understand why Ben chose her, her first impression was undeniably the best

I hope Amber goes home tonight lmao

Yassss Lauren B doing our name proud and snagging the first rose!!!!

And LB is second??? My odds would’ve been hella good!

I agree with that sentiment Jubilee, if I didn’t get a rose from Ben I would assume I just fucked up my entire life

How did Amber get a rose before Becca tho

The further the twins make it on this show the more respect I will have lost for Ben

How bad would you feel if someone who didn't even speak English got a rose instead of you

“It sucks having a guy say no. But it wouldn’t be the first time.” RT 

LOL @ whoever just said “again?”

Lace is toooooo high maintenance and needy to be on a show with 27 other girls. And for life in general

Are there legitimately guys out there who communicate as well as Ben? Because hmu

That might already be a record for the number of women who say “I love you”

Ah I knew Olivia was going to be the manipulative one

Omg watching Ben cry just made me tear up. Is this what love feels like 

—————

Well that first episode was about as emotional for me as I expected, and I liked as few of the girls as I thought I would!

Surprisingly, I did like Lauren B even though I told myself I wouldn’t because I’m way too bitter about our namesake. Do I like her, though, or do I just like the way it sounds when Ben says my name…? Either way, more Lauren B please.

I’m really irked that Becca and Amber are back, but especially Becca. I was rooting for Becca to win Chris’ season, because I think she was incredibly genuine and honestly gave me the hope that if she was so normal and real, then I could get on the show too. But this time around it feels less genuine. Becca (and Amber) has been doing a ton of self promotion on her social media, so it feels like coming on the show is more about the extra fame, while also abusing her connections with the producers to get to hook up with a great guy in the process. I think the producers tried too hard to pull another Nick situation, except Ben wasn’t even pleased to see either of them. Definitely a ratings ploy, but not a good one. Those 2 are taking up two spots that could’ve gone to more deserving ladies *cough cough*

As for Olivia….something’s not quite right. Her first conversation with Ben was a little *too* perfect. I think Olivia told Ben exactly what he wanted to hear. If you’ve ever found Ben on social media, it’s no secret that charity work is a huge part of his life, BUT he's never really talked about it on the show, so knowing this would require some outside research. The way she somehow twisted being a news anchor into being passionate about charity work immediately tipped me off that she’s playing the game. And by snagging the first impression rose, I think she’s going to play it pretty well.

I received 2 more texts tonight that added to growing support of the idea that casting called the wrong Lauren from Ann Arbor, so I thought maybe I’d call Bachelor Live to see if expressing my concern over live national television would get my pal Chris Harrison to launch an investigation into that (and also to tell Ben if he’s single by the end of this season to come find me, the real Lauren from Ann Arbor. Holla) 

But 147 calls later, I did not find out the truth about casting or get to talk to my future husband. Better luck next week, right?!