Emma: Are you ready?
Me: Yeah. I think my brain might explode. I’m not really emotionally prepared for this.
Me: So I guess no I’m not ready
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I hate this whole “live” thing. It’s not live. Stop trying to make live happen, Chris Harrison
Well I guess you know who the audience wants to win
Is it really necessary to actually invite Neil Lane tho
WHAT? TONIGHT? WHAT? WHAT??????????
I don’t really listen to anything Lauren says anymore tbh
I’ve avoided saying this all season but…Ben pronounces “women” as “woman” as if it’s the same word and it makes me cringe
Ben’s scripted voiceover tho lmao
Did they for real fly Ben’s parents down to Jamaica for this ish
Lauren’s two homes are Portland and Somewhere Beach, California. I can guarantee she did not *love* Warsaw
Ben’s mom: this is disturbing
Ur not wrong
Ben: Lauren has been waiting a long time for this
Production crew: yeah like 7 weeks
Lauren: I’m very much in love with Ben
Ben’s dad: ok.
Ben’s parents are kind of skeptical hard asses lmao this is amazing
Why have Lauren and Ben’s mom been holding hands for so long I’m uncomfortable
I really dig Ben’s mom’s use of the word “gals”
I’m intrigued that after those parental chats Lauren is confident in their marriage because frankly I am not
Ben’s mom likes Jojo more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Hmmm too much cuddle time????” the MOST mom comment ever
Jojo is KILLING the parent game
Leader of Team Jojo (me) is feeling quite confident right now
It’s strange that Jojo just asked Ben if he’s at the point that he’s feeling like he’s ready to propose….knowing that he might mean to someone else
Why are you confused Ben they clearly like Jojo better
Lauren grabbed Ben’s face as he tried to turn away and it was awkward and bad
(Also Ben has said in interviews he can’t stand his face being touched)
Literally all Ben and Lauren talk about: “I love you” “I’m happy to see you” “You’re so cute” “How do you feel?” “*kiss*”
“I feel like he’s thinking about something and I don’t really know what” really? You don’t know what he might be thinking about?
Lauren is not deep enough to understand and support a guy like Ben
Ben just used 3 words to describe what he likes about Lauren that were all about her appearance
I feel like I can feel his frustration and confusion about Lauren through the screen
I would cry if a man ever told me I made them a better person I mean damn
“I want to lay on his shoulder and cry” that is probably not how you should be feeling right now
In all honesty though the physical interactions between Ben and Lauren (and Ben and Jojo) are probably the most real and emotional this show has ever seen
Note how Ben never says he feels 100% himself around Lauren
DAMN that kiss was with passion previously unknown to mankind
Jojo pls stop saying “babe” plsssss
“The blue hole” oh
Everything Jojo says is more realistic of an actual relationship while everything Lauren says is what you’d expect a high schooler to say
Jojo and Ben just look better together too
If he picks Lauren then love does not exist
Jojo seems like such a good girlfriend. She asks all the right questions that a truly understanding, caring, and supportive person would ask
YAS THE BEST FRIEND COMMENT! U KNOW IT’S LOVE!
“I need Ben to give me a sign that it’s me” ok well like that’s not how the finale works buddy
How did they all of a sudden end up on the bathroom floor
U can hide from the camera but you can’t run from the mic!!!!
Jojo saying she has to compete with other girls just broke my damn heart
Crying
Everything Jojo is saying is resonating so hard with me like ow my soul hurts
Ben is like “I can’t pick the ring based on her personality bc lol dunno who I’m marrying yet”
Yo that’s a Jojo ring my friends
Cool robe Lauren
OH MY GOD JOJO’S DRESS IS THE PERFECT DRESS TO GET ENGAGED IN
MY ADRENALINE IS PUMPING MORE THAN IT HAS IN 2 YEARS
I have goosebumps I am entirely too emotionally invested in this
WAIT THE FIRST ONE TO COME OUT IS ALWAYS THE LOSER WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT
HE DOESN’T LOOK HAPPY TO SEE HER
(The helicopter ride comment was funny I’ll give him that)
Alright love doesn’t exist
I’m so disappointed in Ben. You’re looking for all the wrong things in a woman and that’s why you’re the BACHELOR U FUCK UGH
Literally Ben the things you’re saying about Jojo as she leaves mean you SHOULD HAVE PICKED HER
What does “because that’s how much I love her” mean though?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Frankly if someone had interactions like this with someone else on the day they asked me to marry them I’d have to say no
Fuck you Ben I’m mad
I’m like checked out at this moment in time so I can't guarantee anything I post from here on out will matter
Why is she laughing
Do you think this is funny because I do not
Even their conversations as they’re getting engaged are literally just “omg I’m so lucky” “no I’M so lucky!!!!”
“I love you” “I love you” “We’re engaged” “We’re engaged!”
This show has ruined my life
———————————————————————
Well, after investing entirely too many emotions in this show for 2 and a half months, what do I get in return?
I guess it’s a good thing I never made it on this show because Ben clearly isn’t the man I thought he was…..if that doesn’t sound too dumb considering he’s a TV personality I’ve never met.
Really my intense disappointment I think stems from the fact that actually, Ben is just like any other guy. He picked the girl that he was more physically attracted to and could barely hold a conversation with over the girl who could clearly articulate her feelings for him beyond just “I love you, Ben!”
As I said many times above, it’s hard to take Ben and Lauren seriously when every conversation they have sounds like me and my first boyfriend when we were 14. It’s unfathomable that Ben, a previously assumed mature 26 year old, could actually evaluate what each of these women were offering him and still pick Lauren.
Additionally, as much as Ben made himself sound like he was ready and open and unafraid to find love, the things he said about Jojo as she was leaving made it sound like he was just too scared to be with Jojo. Think about it: if for the first time in your life someone so confidently told you how strongly they felt about you and asked you the sort of questions that require really honest self reflection, the way Jojo did (and Lauren didn’t), it would probably be sort of terrifying. In every way, Lauren was the safe choice.
Hey if we’re being honest I felt like I was getting my heart broken on TV tonight (although thank god I wasn’t wow). Some of the things Jojo has said to Ben have been reminiscent of the kinds of conversations I’ve had to have in relationships before. Which is weird, honestly, because 1. I’ve never been “in love” to the point of wanting to marry someone and 2. Because when we watch reality TV we don’t expect to actually relate to people on reality TV!!!! As she cried about always having to compete with other girls, I think every girl in America inwardly (and many [me] outwardly) cried with her. In love and life, sometimes it really does feel like you’re in constant competition with other women, and it gets exhausting to constantly feel like you’re “losing”, too. Knowing that someone as cool and beautiful as Jojo shares this sentiment is both endearing and also, um, discouraging (if Jojo doesn’t feel good enough then I certainly don't either). And yes, there’s a strong possibility that not much of this was real, because it’s the Bachelor, but I felt like everything Jojo said was so raw. And if it was real, I’m proud of her for being as honest as she was.
And that coolness, beauty, and honesty paid off, because ya girl’s the new Bachelorette!!!!! Jojo’s season will be so good and so entertaining. It’ll be like Kaitlyn’s season, only better, because Jojo isn’t annoying. I’m really excited to watch her go on this ~journey~ and I truly hope she ~finds love~. I’m happy to say I WILL be watching next season….even if you’re not a Jojo fan, we can all agree on one thing: at least Caila isn’t the next Bachelorette. Whew.
And with that ends the beautiful saga that was my love affair with Ben Higgins. This “journey” was really “incredible”….it feels like so long ago when the casting assistant gave me false hope by telling me I was perfect for the show. I still remember the slap in the face feeling when I found out there were 4 Laurens, 2 Lauren Bs, and 1 Lauren from Ann Arbor (sigh). I remember Lauren’s blue dress as she got out of the limo, I remember being able to smell the booze coming off of Lace’s breath through the TV, the rage I felt for Jubilee’s existence, and the Internet’s 3 week long obsession with Olivia’s mouth. Yes, I’ll remember it all fondly, but alas, it’s time to put this time in my life behind me. I’ll always cherish our time together, and I’ll continue to think of how lame I am every time I use my Bachelor pen from the casting call <3
Until next time. See you May 23!
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