This week’s grievances, all in one convenient post.
———
1. The last 10 seconds
As if witnessing it in person wasn’t bad enough, those same 10 seconds appeared all over all my different social media platform timelines more times than my head could count and my heart could handle. Honestly I think my friend Christian summed it up best….not only in the following tweets, but when my (Spartan) friend Kaylee told him he looked cozy in his yellow fleece and he responded only by shouting “I’m fucking depressed” before slamming my door shut as he left :/
———
1. The last 10 seconds
As if witnessing it in person wasn’t bad enough, those same 10 seconds appeared all over all my different social media platform timelines more times than my head could count and my heart could handle. Honestly I think my friend Christian summed it up best….not only in the following tweets, but when my (Spartan) friend Kaylee told him he looked cozy in his yellow fleece and he responded only by shouting “I’m fucking depressed” before slamming my door shut as he left :/
 |
| (This is Christian. This image went viral last year....) |
2. Waiting 2 hours for pizza
If we’re being honest, this was clearly our fault, considering we chose the campus location and ordered 30 minutes after the game. After emotionally splurging on an XL and breadsticks, they said it would be an hour and a half wait for delivery, but only 35 minutes if we picked it up. Wat? Traffic *was* pretty congested in the 4-5 blocks between us and Cottage Inn I guess. Deciding pizza was more important than the extra wait just to mope on the couch in the meantime, we walked there after 40 minutes, and waited ALMOST 45 MINUTES MORE. Outside. With about 30 other people. Get ur shit together, Cottage Inn.
3. 2 exams, 1 day
You know what, U of M? I know this break is intended to be used for studying for our exams right after the break. I KNOW THAT. But every year I’m still caught off guard that we go back to class on Wednesday, and I’m hit with 2 exams on Thursday. Who could have prepared for such a thing????
4. Fall break in general
Michigan is actually one of the only schools in the state that even has a fall break, so I know I should be grateful for these 3 days at home……but I’m not. Because:
—fall break is the same weekend as the MSU game, so I had to spend 2 less days at home this year/was unable to plan a vacation I can’t afford during this “break”
—this break is just the precursor to midterms. It’s like sitting in the hot tub then jumping into the pool. IT’S SHITTY.
—how am I supposed to be studying for exams at my parents’ house, where the sun basked living room houses one of the cushiest couches known to man and a TV almost as wide as I am tall that constantly plays How I Met Your Mother and Grey’s Anatomy reruns? (Answer: I can’t)
5. Applying for jobs
I feel like Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness, only worse, because although he is homeless, he has prior work experience. I have literally no redeemable qualities or skills. Pls hire me.
You know what, U of M? I know this break is intended to be used for studying for our exams right after the break. I KNOW THAT. But every year I’m still caught off guard that we go back to class on Wednesday, and I’m hit with 2 exams on Thursday. Who could have prepared for such a thing????
4. Fall break in general
Michigan is actually one of the only schools in the state that even has a fall break, so I know I should be grateful for these 3 days at home……but I’m not. Because:
—fall break is the same weekend as the MSU game, so I had to spend 2 less days at home this year/was unable to plan a vacation I can’t afford during this “break”
—this break is just the precursor to midterms. It’s like sitting in the hot tub then jumping into the pool. IT’S SHITTY.
—how am I supposed to be studying for exams at my parents’ house, where the sun basked living room houses one of the cushiest couches known to man and a TV almost as wide as I am tall that constantly plays How I Met Your Mother and Grey’s Anatomy reruns? (Answer: I can’t)
5. Applying for jobs
I feel like Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness, only worse, because although he is homeless, he has prior work experience. I have literally no redeemable qualities or skills. Pls hire me.
6. Grad school????
I was so hype to graduate because ~*DONE WITH SKOOL 4 EVA*~ but now that I’m reevaluating, my degree is pretty much useless and my resume is so scattered that I probably wouldn’t hire me either. Maybe I should just apply to grad school and feel my soul wither away. Maybe if I went to a school in a new state it would be like a new adventure, almost as if someone gave me a job and I was making money, instead of spending it recklessly. Or maybe I should accept that I’ve failed before I’ve even started!
7. Broken nail
There I was, enjoying a beautiful fall morning with Katie at a picnic table along the river, when a bee attacked my tasty cinnamon donut and hot apple cider. Naturally, I wildly swatted the shit out of it. In my haste, my left hand flailed so uncontrollably that it hit the picnic bench with full force. I inspected my hand, expecting minimal damage, and found blood already gushing out from the center of my cracked pinky nail bed. This was terrifying and I did not want to rip my nail off, as Katie advised. Instead, after I complained through our trip to another cider mill, lunch, and ULTA, Katie drove me to 2 more stores in search of nail glue to piece my bloody digit back together. I luv u Katie. Mangled nail still hurts, though.
8. My dog hates me
Ok Oliver, I understand that I am the least capable member of our family in terms of taking care of you. I don’t let you sleep in my bed, like mom does. I don’t feed you potato chips or take you to the farm, like dad does. I don’t let you lick my eyeballs, like Ryan does, even though I really think this is understandable. I didn’t mother you when we brought you home as a puppy, like Patrick did (although it should be noted that Patrick was the only one home when we bought you, so he was forced to care about you). I may have insulted your intelligence during the bath I had to give you after you ran away in a thunderstorm, and I may have helped you set up a Twitter account that I now almost exclusively use to make fun of you. But I am the one who fought for an Invisible Fence in our yard after your dumb puppy ass ran into the road and got hit by a motorcycle. I am the one who lies down, scratches your ears, and waits for you to possibly one day speak and tell me about your day as you fall asleep. And I am the one who fights for your right to health, since all those mini donuts grandpa feeds you are clogging your doggy arteries faster than all the feta bread my human self has to endure. So when I come home for 3 days, I expect a warmer welcome than 10 seconds of intense tail wagging before you realize dad just opened a bag of chips. Until that day comes, I will continue talking shit about you online.
I was so hype to graduate because ~*DONE WITH SKOOL 4 EVA*~ but now that I’m reevaluating, my degree is pretty much useless and my resume is so scattered that I probably wouldn’t hire me either. Maybe I should just apply to grad school and feel my soul wither away. Maybe if I went to a school in a new state it would be like a new adventure, almost as if someone gave me a job and I was making money, instead of spending it recklessly. Or maybe I should accept that I’ve failed before I’ve even started!
7. Broken nail
There I was, enjoying a beautiful fall morning with Katie at a picnic table along the river, when a bee attacked my tasty cinnamon donut and hot apple cider. Naturally, I wildly swatted the shit out of it. In my haste, my left hand flailed so uncontrollably that it hit the picnic bench with full force. I inspected my hand, expecting minimal damage, and found blood already gushing out from the center of my cracked pinky nail bed. This was terrifying and I did not want to rip my nail off, as Katie advised. Instead, after I complained through our trip to another cider mill, lunch, and ULTA, Katie drove me to 2 more stores in search of nail glue to piece my bloody digit back together. I luv u Katie. Mangled nail still hurts, though.
8. My dog hates me
Ok Oliver, I understand that I am the least capable member of our family in terms of taking care of you. I don’t let you sleep in my bed, like mom does. I don’t feed you potato chips or take you to the farm, like dad does. I don’t let you lick my eyeballs, like Ryan does, even though I really think this is understandable. I didn’t mother you when we brought you home as a puppy, like Patrick did (although it should be noted that Patrick was the only one home when we bought you, so he was forced to care about you). I may have insulted your intelligence during the bath I had to give you after you ran away in a thunderstorm, and I may have helped you set up a Twitter account that I now almost exclusively use to make fun of you. But I am the one who fought for an Invisible Fence in our yard after your dumb puppy ass ran into the road and got hit by a motorcycle. I am the one who lies down, scratches your ears, and waits for you to possibly one day speak and tell me about your day as you fall asleep. And I am the one who fights for your right to health, since all those mini donuts grandpa feeds you are clogging your doggy arteries faster than all the feta bread my human self has to endure. So when I come home for 3 days, I expect a warmer welcome than 10 seconds of intense tail wagging before you realize dad just opened a bag of chips. Until that day comes, I will continue talking shit about you online.
9. Awkward
I’m pretty sure Anna and I are the only ones that still watch MTV teen dramedies, but that really does not make the hold this show has over me any lesser. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for both Matty and Jenna to grow a pair and get over the past and admit to each other that all they really want is to be together. They finally both have come to terms with their feelings, and they might even both go to school in Maine (aka my dream location!!!!!). Everything is finally in place for them, and then Jenna just changes her mind for the 29842175892375892 time. Whoever writes this show is like Shonda Rhimes Jr., but with less death.
10. Eating everything in sight
Comes home. Looks in fridge and pantry. Finds
—apple crisp
—General Tso’s chicken
—pasta
—my favorite roast chicken and root vegetables
—brownies
—an entire cupboard of candy
—3 different types of kettle cooked potato chips
—4 different types of popcorn
What the hell are you trying to do to me, mom?
11. The 6 times I’ve put on jeans this week
6 and counting. Do I have to
12. Our house’s power
On Wednesday, our apartment was 75% without power (again). I called our landlord, and when she didn’t answer, I emailed her. Needing internet for homework, I went into the hall and tried to figure out the fusebox. I have 0 idea of how to work a fusebox, but the box near the bottom said “pull to reset power,” so I did…..then it started sparking all over so I just shut it and ran. I emailed the landlord again to update her on this possible safety concern. 24 hours later she finally came over and fixed it. This morning (read: 5 days later), she emailed me saying, “You shouldn’t be touching that box at all. It wasn’t put back in place correctly and caused a power outage in the whole house.” ???? OK bish, not only did I email you to admit I didn’t put it back correctly for good reason, but the whole house was *already* without power. Send me another sassy email like that and I’ll have to contact student legal services about how dangerous it is to only have electricity 50% of the time with winter on its way :-)
———
I pray the next week will be less annoying. But I doubt it.
6 and counting. Do I have to
12. Our house’s power
On Wednesday, our apartment was 75% without power (again). I called our landlord, and when she didn’t answer, I emailed her. Needing internet for homework, I went into the hall and tried to figure out the fusebox. I have 0 idea of how to work a fusebox, but the box near the bottom said “pull to reset power,” so I did…..then it started sparking all over so I just shut it and ran. I emailed the landlord again to update her on this possible safety concern. 24 hours later she finally came over and fixed it. This morning (read: 5 days later), she emailed me saying, “You shouldn’t be touching that box at all. It wasn’t put back in place correctly and caused a power outage in the whole house.” ???? OK bish, not only did I email you to admit I didn’t put it back correctly for good reason, but the whole house was *already* without power. Send me another sassy email like that and I’ll have to contact student legal services about how dangerous it is to only have electricity 50% of the time with winter on its way :-)
———
I pray the next week will be less annoying. But I doubt it.
No comments:
Post a Comment