BIP finale livefeed

I swear that I could see foreverrrrr innnnnnn your eyeeeees, paaaaaaaaradiseeeeeeee

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Justin how do you know Cassandra is a great mom

I’m bored already. Thinking bout cookies

Nick’s time on the Bachelor franchise is up

“I know I’m here for 100% sincere intentions. With you.” *inserts Why You Lyin vine here*

I care so little about Justin and Casandra that I was on my phone throughout their “date” and idk what happened except that they didn’t have sex

Ok I’m just saying I would be an equally good Bachelor contestant as Tenley and 7 times as good of a Bachelorette contestant as Josh even though I don’t even dig girls

OH MY GOD TANNER SAID I LOVE YOU JADE OH MY GOD HE SAID IT TWICE OH MY GOD I LOVE TANNER SO MUCH I AM MELTING FROM CUTENESS

Legit hyperventilating because Tanner and Jade

Tanner and Jade are reminding me how single I am

:(

What if Justin proposes to Casandra after she said no to the fantasy suite on date 2 lol

Jade and Tanner in those little robes, it’s like they’re trying to kill me by being precious af

Chris Harrison, pursuing a relationship outside of paradise does not mean “I promise 2 have ur babies”

This is like the shortest episode ever

Chris Harrison told them so go spend some time alone with their thoughts, so naturally Josh and Tenley head into the plants together to go cry

What does Tenley see in Josh that no one else can see

Does Tenley not realize she can accept Josh’s rose and it’s ok if the long distance doesn’t work out

Yawn don’t care that Cassandra accepted

I hope Sam doesn’t accept just like she blindsided Joe

LOL ok I guess it’s fitting that Nick and Sam end up together…..sleaze couple of the year

Is Tenley’s speech gonna have a “but…”

Tenley does not dig Idaho

When Chris Harrison gives spoilers during the After Paradise promo <<

Side note I smell so freaking bad because of how hot and sweaty it is in Michigan right now so just like imagine how stinky you would be ALL THE TIME in paradise

Tanner is like “Jade please stop talking it is time for ring”

I would also go to paradise for the free drinks with Jorge, Tanner

Jade’s *sigh* reaction was faaaaaake

I wish there was an emoji that described my face during Tanner’s proposal

Such passionate kissing much wow

I just feel kind of bad for Tanner and Jade now because they’re technically contractually obligated to have some sort of televised wedding if they actually get married

Omg this montage of clips at the end is making me feel like BIP is breaking up with me

I am not ready for this to be over

Pls don’t leave me BIP

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I have no idea what I’m going to do with my time now

BIP 9/6 livefeed

Today I had the worst day ever because it was 91 degrees almost all day, I spent at least an hour of my life arguing with Comcast representatives who still didn't come fix my Interest (but said they'd come fix it on Saturday during the game LOL die, Comcast), and had to pay over $100 for my shitty warped up iPhone screen to be fixed. Needless to say, I was very much looking forward to watching both parts of the finale tonight with my BFFL Katie while we continuously bitch about how we made a mega mistake buying our salads at Panera instead of Whole Foods. So much regret.

BIP live feed 9/6

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Cannot get over Ashley I requesting a date with Jared before Jaclyn could, so SAVAGE

Everyone is so invested in Ashley losing her virginity?

WOW just realized Ashley I is a year older than Jared

Jared still seems not into it even though it’s the fantasy suite

Jorge is bae

Juelia wearing false eyelashes for all of paradise really is not ok

WAIT does Mikey not really like Juelia

That breakup was so nice coming from Mikey

I wish they’d stop saying Juelia is trying to find a father for her kid on BACHELOR IN PARADISE

Jaclyn’s face is the victim of bad plastic surgery

Why are people hitting up Justin like he should be the least wanted person here

Yet another girl walks in and wants Justin? While Dan is in the same room? I’M NOT SEEING IT

“He’s been on 5 dates in 2 days” Dan is as salty as I am

Katie is an ice skater and just pointed out that Justin’s haircut resembles Dorothy Hamill’s

Jaclyn is just salty but admittedly it’s really weird that all these people have kids

“I think Ashley I is more of a virgin now” yikes

OMFG LOOK AT JACYLN’S OLD FACE IN NICK’S FLASHBACKS OF SCREWING HER OVER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

$250,000 can also buy a lot of Botox and hair bleach

That pool looks nice af right now in this 91 degree weather in Ann Arbor

Why would Nick rolling in the sand make anything better for Jaclyn

What happened to Mackenzie?

“Mama’s gotta take her top off” pls never say that again

I am 22 and Sandra is 23 and she’s been engaged and has a child. What

Sam is cold yes but I still wish I was as pretty as her

Fresh-faced Ashley I: so much yes

WUT Jared is leaving early too? Why is everyone just giving up

Oh god don’t make Ashley I cry again

Even though Jared doesn’t love Ashley I they are still so sweet ugh

Nick is a grease ball

My favorite dates are the ones where all they do is eat

STOP WINKING NICK

Sam looks like a stripper tbh

“In the club high on purp”
—Sam with her drunk eyes

Katie just referred to Sam’s nails as “bitch talons”

Sam is wincing and keeping her mouth as closed as possible as Nick kisses her, as am I while watching it

“You’re my idiot” oh

I would just constantly be taking shots with Jorge in paradise

Tanner’s like “literally everyone besides me and Jade, and Kirk and Carly need to just leave now”

“I grew up here” alright Ashley I except you’re 27 and spent 5 weeks crying

Dan hasn’t even talked to Casandra but is suddenly salty Justin picked her

Everybody’s just dropping like flies

What if Chris Harrison gave Dan’s rose away

Mikey and Mackenzie? Huh

Ashley S’s favorite phrase is “be a man”

So…..we’re stuck with 2 real couples, 2 fake couples, and Tenley and Josh

LOOK at the at Kirk and Carly foreshadowing….I knew it 

Whenever I guess something right on BIP, I feel so smart. I feel so smart watching Kirk talk about dumping Carly.

Tenley feels smart too!

I personally feel that Carly’s laugh is more obnoxious than Kaitlyn’s and you cannot convince me otherwise

Carly’s definitely scared

Feeling bad for Kirk. He seems to legitimately be struggling with this

Carly is saying all the TV breakup lines

Ok she is literally running now

What do you mean what just happened, Kirk, you’re the one who did it

Tanner is always the voice of reason. Even Nick knows Kirk was wrong!!!!

Ok Carly we’ve all had angry breakups but not hearing Kirk out even a little bit is really immature

“You deserve this conversation” “No but YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS CONVERSATION” oh snap she’s kinda got you there Kirk

(Clearly I can’t pick a side in this breakup)

(I just feel really bad for both of them)

Can I just make it clear I don’t give a single fuck about Justin and Casandra because try

——

Can we just skip to Tanner proposing to Jade? (And does anyone else hope the backup outcome is Josh proposing to Tenley and Tenley rejecting him?)

BIP 8/31 live feed

Yes, I am posting this a full week late, because this week has been total chaos/hell/draining in every way shape and form. I guess Welcome Week being the same week as Work Week, as well as Hottest Week of the Summer and Comcast Guy Installs Our Wifi and then Ignores Us When it Doesn’t Work Week, has just made me go a little bonkers. Tbh I think my soul has shriveled up and died and classes don’t even start for another day. Cheers to senior year?

Finally, a week later after you’ve forgotten everything that’s happened, BIP live feed 8/31

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What even happens when you get stung by a jellyfish

“Juelia put your foot in the toilet” that seems like the worst way to do it tbh

Dan lives in Las Vegas?!?!?!?!

Everyone in the house is more invested in Chelsie picking Dan than their own relationships

Poor Ashley S, no one wants to get mixed up with her

“You are not treating me the way Jesus would treat people”

“You kinda smell like a brewery” man these two are killing the quote game

Carly’s happiness is infectious ugh

Mackenzie: the sweet, really young mom who loves aliens

When Ashley I tells people she’s with Jared :////

“He looks like a mixture of Ashton Kutcher and Joe Jonas” omg why have I never seen this

“You might be into his face”

Ok I wouldn’t be sad if I was on a date on a boat in Mexico

Still not understanding Dan’s affection for Sam

Wtf does Nick’s bicep say

I feel like at this point so many people are single and the producers know it’s really boring

“Future? Aliens.” Precisely, Mackenzie

“My son’s name is Kale, like the vegetable” :(

WOW I need that teal couch with rainbow pillows! Paradise is decorated pretty well

Why would you pick Justin over Dan? Why

Too bad girls don’t have the roses this week, Amber should just give Ashley S her rose

Jared seriously always looks so unhappy to be in paradise

Jaclyn with her bleached blonde bob and ugly outfit, gtfo

Also Jaclyn is from Ben’s season…..wasn’t that the least popular season ever

Are there crocodiles in Mexico because I’m pretty sure no

“You smell so great I don’t have to worry about myself!” is that how smelling good works?

“We’ve got drugs” oh

This date is on equal levels of weird as the date from Chris’s season when him and Carly did sex yoga

I feel really sad that Mackenzie can’t figure out that “circulo” means “circle”

I’m scared of Justin’s nipples

Knowing that the rope thing is part of a marriage ceremony, it’s actually kind of beautiful?

“Justin is my husband. We’re like Mexican citizens married.” :(

“The welder who can’t form complete sentences, for example, I want nothing to do with” accurate description of Josh

They make it seem like Chris Harrison has been standing in the driveway for the past 5 weeks

Tanner has now compared both Sam and Jaclyn to a black widow

“Never trust a girl with a belly button at age 25+” omg I’m so ashamed that Jaclyn is verbalizing my same thoughts

Jaclyn’s boobs are just baaaaarely keeping it together in that romper

“I JUST HAPPENED TO FIND A DATE CARD WITH MY NAME ON IT” Ashley I is SWOOPING IN ON THAT SHIT

Goodbye Jaclyn get better bronzer

“I would love it if Jared took Ashley I’s v card” ok Tanner calm down

Top 5 funniest segments of the season: Ashley I talking about how nothing about her is fake except her hair, Botox, eyelashes, and bra

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!!!!!!!!!! Thank god we’ve got a new plot other than Sam. Honestly though, I’m not super interested in the “Ashley I’s virginity” plot because a) I think it’s odd to obsess over a person’s sexual experiences and b) because I truly don’t think Jared sleeps with her. He’s a classy guy. I think.

What I’m more intrigued by is Jade and Tanner. Personally, I think Tanner says that “I can’t give you this rose” line because he gives her an engagement ring instead. Except that doesn’t explain why she’s crying and calling people cowards. Is she possibly crying for one of her friends’ heartbreak? Jade is super super tight with Carly, and we see her crying next week as well….are Kirk and Carly no more, and Jade is just shedding tears for her homie? Hmm…

Is anyone else literally sobbing because the last episode of the season is tonight, which is also the last night of the summer? This is not coincidence. This is a symbol of my life and happiness ending at the same damn time. *~sigh~*