The Bachelorette finale 8/1

I’m moving out this week and therefore have no groceries, but I have rosé and BIP tomorrow so really what more could I need????

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Wtf how can this possibly be 3 hours I’ve got other shit to do with my life c’mon

How do you get Chris Harrison’s job? I want that job

Ew who the hell invited Ben and Lauren

Can we just skip tonight and go straight to tomorrow??????

I don’t think that when she’s with Jordan she’s thinking of Robby, I think it’s only the other way around lol

Jojo’s mom’s face tho

When Jordan walks into the house and says “Whazzzup!!!!” ://////

“We’re gonna put these hats on really briefly, we’re gonna laugh at each other, then we’re gonna be done” wow scheduled fun, that sounds great buddy

Jordan is literally so fake omg I can’t watch this

Moms always know a player when they see one. They may be moms but they were once our age dating fuck boys too!!!!!!

I want to see Jojo’s brothers rip both Jordan and Robby to shreds

If you have to yell “IT WENT SO GOOD!!!!” as someone is driving away I just feel like it didn’t actually go that well

Robby seems more genuine than Jordan when he speaks but is also much scarier looking than Jordan so idk who would be better to introduce to your parents. Probably neither

Robby just named the number one difference between him and Jordan: he’s willing to build his life around Jojo 

YES ROBBY, including her mom in asking for permission is 10000000% the right choice and fuck Jordan for only considering asking her dad…..moms are just as, if not MORE, IMPORTANT!!!

Yesssssss Jojo’s mom is mad too that Jordan didn’t feel it was necessary to ask her. Glad I’m not the only one unreasonably upset

Jojo is definitely spoiled af

Did Robby just call her Jo? No

“Every moment spent with Jojo makes me fall in love more with her” seriously what kind of sentence structure is that 

Obviously there’s a dog in your future otherwise your ass would not have gotten this far

I would NOT want Robby as my dad

That was kind of an inappropriate way to be kissing on a public beach

Where’s Jordan lol

I wish I liked Robby. This would all feel a lot more romantic and exciting if I did

What where did those photos come from

Can’t tell if Robby’s pants are khaki or yellow but either way they’re bad

Honestly though, it must be kind of weird to repeatedly tell someone you love them for several weeks and they don’t say it back 

The only thing I truly want from this season is to hear what actually happened between Jordan and Aaron

I’m tired of Jordan greeting people with “what’s up”

Jojo: did you think you’d be here?

Jordan: I mean no

Jojo: really?
Jordan: I mean, like, after the first 2 dates, yeah

Husband material

I just have a feeling Jordan has a small dick idk

Watching Jordan squirm while trying to lie his way out of this convo about Jojo’s dad is everything

Jojo nailed it, Jordan doesn’t want to express his feelings until she does first because his feelings are NOT. REAL. He just says whatever he thinks he’s supposed to

Third time in one episode Jordan has greeted someone with “what’s up”

Andddddd just like that Jordan’s somehow in the lead again

It’s almost as if Chris Harrison is simply not capable of just saying “Jordan’s brother Aaron” and only “Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers”

This show makes me wonder what kind of ring I want someday. Probably no ring #singleladies

Sorry Jordan but I think it’s a little too late for this over the phone shit

Jordan’s nails look manicured

This note doesn’t make me like Jordan more

Ooooooo shit Jojo was gonna pick Robby until that note

I’m just saying you can tell Robby’s intentions are better because his language is more centered around Jojo than himself. UNLIKE JORDAN

You knew it was Robby before you saw his face because you saw his absurdly tan hands

I’m not surprised. Just disappointed.

Honestly Jojo is terrible

Jordan doesn’t even want this. He just wants to win. He’s like Donald Trump

“At least Robby is now free to date other men”—Katie

Everyone knew Jojo would pick Jordan from the very first episode sooooooo this season is just no

“It’s something that, as a man, I’ve thought about all my life” ok? So women don’t think of this moment for their entire lives? Wut

Jordan said like 50% of what Robby did with less emotion lol

I have literally never been happy with the outcome of this show, why do I still watch

You know what, I’m cutting this blog short. No point in blogging After the Final Rose

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I get it, but I also don’t. 

I think that everyone has been in a situation where they’re somewhat torn between two people…or at least I have lol. One is clearly, in every way, a better, more sensible choice, but something draws you to the garbage person anyway. It seems romantic to pick the one your heart inexplicably wants, but it literally never works out well, except in The Notebook. And remember the ending of that? IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT??

If Jojo truly was serious about finding a husband and a forever love, she a) wouldn’t be on this stupid show, but b) undoubtedly wouldn’t have chosen Jordan. Let me list all the reasons why

—he’s unable to articulate his feelings for her

—he’s unable give serious, well thought out answers to questions about their future

—he’s unable to to confirm he’s 100% committed forever, not just right now

—he didn’t have a damn job during filming

—HER FAMILY DIDN’T LIKE HIM THAT MUCH

—everyone in the entire country, including her parents, distrusts him

—seems like he would be reluctant to go down on a girl (I’m just saying)

—has some sort of weird inferiority complex family drama

—constantly talks about himself in conversations that should either be about her or them as a unit

—definitely has a more expensive wardrobe than me

—is that kid who took gym class too seriously

—is a man child/fuck boy

THE LIST GOES ON AND ON.

Obviously a natural chemistry and physical attraction are important in a relationship, but that’s really only one component. I feel like even at my age (and the people on this show are older!!!!), I’ve noticed that relationships often don’t come out of the pairing of the two most attractive people. At some point it’s not about dating the hottest guy (cuz sometimes they’re dumber than a box of rocks and you have nothing in common), but the one who truly cares for who you are ~on the inside~, supports you, and offers you everything you’re looking for. 

Jordan brings literally none of that to the table, but hey, at least he’s pretty and a former pro athlete, right, Jojo?????? I think this relationship is a total fail, but that’s just me. After the Final Rose still has 20 minutes left and I’m already over this season.

So…..if I’m being honest, I don’t know how much longer I will continue blogging about the Bachelor franchise. It’s actually fairly time consuming, and sometimes I want to just chill out with my friends and a glass of wine when I watch, not with my laptop. I’ve actually turned down plans before, even taken Monday nights off my work availability, to watch The Bachelor, which is super ridiculously lame. Plus, as we’ve noted the past two seasons, the show is beyond predictable and sometimes not even entertaining. Watching sometimes feels like an obligation.

Luckily for you, however, Bachelor in Paradise, is, and I quote, the best show on television. Don’t fight me on this. [End quote.] So, after grappling with this decision all day (I think this show has made me more dramatic when choosing between two options???), I have decided I will continue blogging at least through this season of BIP. Though BIP draws in significantly fewer readers than The Bachelor (lol), I personally think it’s so much more fun to write about because it’s so damn ridiculous, it’s hard to keep my thoughts to myself…hehe.

And with that being said, see you tomorrow ;)