Although I have 2 exams on Friday, I finished a 10 page paper today, and that called for a better celebration than studying. Katie and I hit up our favorite date night spot, Hopcat, for a burger, beer, and CRAACK FRIES. I told myself just one beer so that I could come home and study, but my one beer of choice just so happened to be 9% and I just so happened to be pretty sleep deprived so I was buzzed after 2 sips. Of course I then decided there were 2 very important things I needed to do tonight: 1) make my Christmas list full of grown up items necessary to adulthood and 2) watch Friends With Benefits (the one with Mila and Justin, not Ashton and Natalie. They’re both amazing tho)
My grown up Christmas list
1. A job
Right now there is nothing I wish I had more than the ability to say I had a job set after graduation. My nervousness about job prospects is rising quickly like the water in the Titanic and I’m the Captain just staring out at the ocean like “Where did I go wrong???” My desperation level is about equal to Cal kidnapping a child on deck to get onto a life boat. Why do I keep comparing my life to Titanic? Probably because it was the Ship of Dreams. And right now my dreams have shipped FAR FAR AWAY. (Not quite to the bottom of the ocean yet, there’s still time. Titanic didn’t sink until April, which is also when I graduate. Coincidence? Absolutely not.)
2. A sense of purpose/fulfillment
Hey if you ever feel like maybe you are TOO important just go to University of Michigan and soon you will learn you are a $3 puke green suit jacket from Goodwill in a sea of tuxedos (did you automatically think of Ross when I said tuxedo? Same.) If anyone could find a way to physically gift me this, thank you, and also, you should patent that
3. A guy who might actually like me
Are there people who actually make plans to go out together rather than hope they ~casually and totally unexpectedly~ run into each other by the end of the night? Are there people who actually speak to each other during daylight hours? Are there people who want to talk to you for reasons other than hoping it results in a hook up? Are there people who interact without any alcohol involved at all??? I mean for both humanity’s sake and selfish reasons I hope so, because all of that actually sounds kind of appealing…..is this what growing up feels like?
4. Underwear
For my adult sized ass
5. Random boring adult items I never thought I’d want
Like a crockpot and windshield wipers. Why the fuck do I want a crockpot so bad
6. Enough money to buy all the groceries I want
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go to the grocery store and buy every single item you wanted? The brand name version, not Kroger version? I aspire to have this life one day
7. Harry Styles
Everyone: I feel like this item belongs more on a preteen Christmas list...
My grown up Christmas list
1. A job
Right now there is nothing I wish I had more than the ability to say I had a job set after graduation. My nervousness about job prospects is rising quickly like the water in the Titanic and I’m the Captain just staring out at the ocean like “Where did I go wrong???” My desperation level is about equal to Cal kidnapping a child on deck to get onto a life boat. Why do I keep comparing my life to Titanic? Probably because it was the Ship of Dreams. And right now my dreams have shipped FAR FAR AWAY. (Not quite to the bottom of the ocean yet, there’s still time. Titanic didn’t sink until April, which is also when I graduate. Coincidence? Absolutely not.)
2. A sense of purpose/fulfillment
Hey if you ever feel like maybe you are TOO important just go to University of Michigan and soon you will learn you are a $3 puke green suit jacket from Goodwill in a sea of tuxedos (did you automatically think of Ross when I said tuxedo? Same.) If anyone could find a way to physically gift me this, thank you, and also, you should patent that
3. A guy who might actually like me
Are there people who actually make plans to go out together rather than hope they ~casually and totally unexpectedly~ run into each other by the end of the night? Are there people who actually speak to each other during daylight hours? Are there people who want to talk to you for reasons other than hoping it results in a hook up? Are there people who interact without any alcohol involved at all??? I mean for both humanity’s sake and selfish reasons I hope so, because all of that actually sounds kind of appealing…..is this what growing up feels like?
4. Underwear
For my adult sized ass
5. Random boring adult items I never thought I’d want
Like a crockpot and windshield wipers. Why the fuck do I want a crockpot so bad
6. Enough money to buy all the groceries I want
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go to the grocery store and buy every single item you wanted? The brand name version, not Kroger version? I aspire to have this life one day
7. Harry Styles
Everyone: I feel like this item belongs more on a preteen Christmas list...
Me: shut the hell up
8. A get out of jail free card
I just feel like I’ll need this at least once in my adult life
9. Cookie dough bites
I have received these in my stocking every year since I was like 9 and if for some reason I were to not receive them this year because I'm an "adult" I would FLIP SOME SHIT
10. A dog
THERE IS literally no person on this entire earth that deserves a dog more than I do. It would take me 6 years to tell you all the reasons why and in that time I could already have a dog old enough for first grade so I’ll spare you. If you disagree you should probably not speak because quite frankly I might kill you (*Note: this is not representative of how I would care for my dog)
11. A self-cleaning humidifier
One time I tweeted “Sry I can’t go out, I have to disinfect my humidifier” and I was only mostly joking
8. A get out of jail free card
I just feel like I’ll need this at least once in my adult life
9. Cookie dough bites
I have received these in my stocking every year since I was like 9 and if for some reason I were to not receive them this year because I'm an "adult" I would FLIP SOME SHIT
10. A dog
THERE IS literally no person on this entire earth that deserves a dog more than I do. It would take me 6 years to tell you all the reasons why and in that time I could already have a dog old enough for first grade so I’ll spare you. If you disagree you should probably not speak because quite frankly I might kill you (*Note: this is not representative of how I would care for my dog)
11. A self-cleaning humidifier
One time I tweeted “Sry I can’t go out, I have to disinfect my humidifier” and I was only mostly joking
12. New glasses
Me: I need new glasses, these aren’t really my style anymore
Molly: What kind of style are you?
Molly: Because I don’t think LensCrafters has a slut section
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13. A contour kit
If 14 year olds are painting the shit out of their faces and end up looking like Kardashians, then I could probably do a moderate job of looking like a heavily made up 22 year old, right??
14. Better presidential candidates
I don’t want to have to move to Iceland
15. Time travel
I would use this gift exclusively to go back in time and take back that episode of Grey’s Anatomy where they all sing
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