I realize I’m posting my live feed of Sunday night’s episode during Monday night’s episode, which only makes it even more glaringly lame how I have to watch Bachelor in Paradise on Hulu instead of on cable like everyone else, but this is the only time I’ve had wifi all day, so I really can’t help it. My mom and I decided to spontaneously travel up north, stopping wherever we feel like, which sounds great, but the weather is absolute shit and we can’t do anything outside without being whipped around by the wind and rained on. Much like Ashley S and Nick in this episode, we don’t really have anything to do tonight, so we’re probably going to end up drinking.
Keeping that in mind, here’s the live feed of BIP 8/23
——
*Ominous music over shot of “caution: crabs” sign*
Jared is always the voice of reason. I feel like he wonders why he’s in paradise
“Hey Joseph? OR WHAT?” Ur such a man JJ
“We did conversate” :////
Juelia: tbh I don’t want a rose if it’s from u JJ
When Sam says she didn’t want drama but she was cast purely because of her existing relationship with Joe
When Joe says “I like you a lot” he sounds exactly like the Jim Carrey line
Dan is extremely awkwardly sitting between Amber and Ashley S lol
Everyone on the cast knows exactly what happened between Sam and Joe and they’re still lying and it’s really pointless??? Just admit you schemed and you’ll look slightly less stupid?
Cool Snooki poof Carly
Juelia’s facial features are weirdly small
Tanner is my DUDE
JJ’s gonna pull a Clare at rose ceremony for sure
“I just wanna get away from the drama and stare at Jared all the time” same
Jared and Ashley I are actually cute. Wish he loved her back
Did Ashley I just make fun of Chris’ lips lol (she’s right tho, he was definitely a bad kisser by the looks of it)
Dan is going to pick Amber and then a scorned Ashley S is going to come back and set paradise on fire. Like literal arson
Why is this entire show about Juelia? Good god
“What’s up?” “Good” Ok Juelia good talk
….did Mikey and Juelia really have a ~connection~ because I don’t remember that
Carly’s hair is just a rat’s nest at rose ceremony
LITERALLY GASPED WHEN JJ SAID ASHLEY S. Did not see that coming AT ALL
“I broke up with somebody to come here” what? What???
What is JJ’s speech as he leaves?? “I am selfless and I am courageous” What???
Dan is like “lol fuck”
Chris Harrison is like damn this cast needs a minute every ceremony
“Dan is such a grandpa” alright Ashley S don’t be salty
This whole time no one cares that Clare is definitely leaving tonight lol
I don’t care that Dan didn’t pick Juelia. He’s under no obligation to make her stay
Did Clare just admit she’s upset she never got to be the Bachelorette?! HAHAHAHA
OMFG MIKEY IS HERE TO SAVE JUELIA
You can see unhappiness oozing out of that hole between Joe’s eyebrows
“Sherbet orange deep v”
YAY Jade and Tanner time!
Ugh I want to pop bottles of champagne on a private plane too
And their date is at a tequila distillery?! FOMO
Joe has always pictured marrying someone who looks like Sam? Dude aims high
And now it comes out that Sam was texting multiple dudes tryna guarantee her 15 minutes of fame in paradise
Sam is SO SKETCHY
Mikey is just reveling in being the one who gets to tell Nick what’s gone on so far, even though he’s been kicked off once lol
Nick and Ashley are like “haha this date is so fun! Haha”
They don’t have anything else to do so they just get incredibly drunk in the middle of the day. Sounds a lot like college
When the producers frame the story to make a bird tell Ashley to grab Nick’s package?
This hot tub date sounds like every drunk conversation I’ve ever had at a party
Tanner doesn’t want to spend a day without Jade. Feels.
Tanner is presh. Idk about Jade
Happy birthday, asshat
I hope Nick reveals to the whole house the extent of his relationship with Sam (who am I kidding, that’s obviously going to happen eventually)
Jade is Tanner’s third girlfriend ever. Aw
Jared is just hanging out in Mexico (and occasionally making out with Ashley I) but otherwise completely isolated from “the game”
When Jared name drops Kaitlyn…..yikes
That bed on the beach is like Dump Central. If your significant other wants to go talk on that bed, prepare thyself because you’re getting dumped af
HAHAHAHAHAHA Kaitlyn on the other end of the phone is like “wait what?”
When Joe throws himself a birthday party because he is a mean friendless loser
After their lusty 1 week affair, Sam is reconsidering. SHOCKING
Sam’s breakup speech is so insincere
Does this mean Nick is going to jilt Ashley S for Sam now?
Sam used Joe to get a rose and stay to see who she’s *really* waiting for in paradise? Karma’s such a bitch, Joe
WTF is Joe planning????
——
?!?! is really all I have to say after this episode. Definitely some curveballs. I guess ~anything can happen in paradise~ Sam is exactly the type of villain you expect to find on this franchise, which makes it even more hilarious that she didn’t make it past like 1 episode of Chris’ season. After the events of this episode, though, the plot seems kinda flat, with the exception of her. But to be completely honest, I’m not sure this was a good move on producers’ part, considering no one likes Sam, and no one gives a shit who she ends up with next. Watching her dump Joe was entertaining karma enough; no one wants to watch him cry over losing her/argue with the next dude who reveals he’s been texting her for months.
If you need me, I’ll be crying into my beer, mourning the fact that producers didn’t choose me even though I had literally the best audition ever, when they announce Ben H as the next Bachelor tonight. RIP to my soul.
Keeping that in mind, here’s the live feed of BIP 8/23
——
*Ominous music over shot of “caution: crabs” sign*
Jared is always the voice of reason. I feel like he wonders why he’s in paradise
“Hey Joseph? OR WHAT?” Ur such a man JJ
“We did conversate” :////
Juelia: tbh I don’t want a rose if it’s from u JJ
When Sam says she didn’t want drama but she was cast purely because of her existing relationship with Joe
When Joe says “I like you a lot” he sounds exactly like the Jim Carrey line
Dan is extremely awkwardly sitting between Amber and Ashley S lol
Everyone on the cast knows exactly what happened between Sam and Joe and they’re still lying and it’s really pointless??? Just admit you schemed and you’ll look slightly less stupid?
Cool Snooki poof Carly
Juelia’s facial features are weirdly small
Tanner is my DUDE
JJ’s gonna pull a Clare at rose ceremony for sure
“I just wanna get away from the drama and stare at Jared all the time” same
Jared and Ashley I are actually cute. Wish he loved her back
Did Ashley I just make fun of Chris’ lips lol (she’s right tho, he was definitely a bad kisser by the looks of it)
Dan is going to pick Amber and then a scorned Ashley S is going to come back and set paradise on fire. Like literal arson
Why is this entire show about Juelia? Good god
“What’s up?” “Good” Ok Juelia good talk
….did Mikey and Juelia really have a ~connection~ because I don’t remember that
Carly’s hair is just a rat’s nest at rose ceremony
LITERALLY GASPED WHEN JJ SAID ASHLEY S. Did not see that coming AT ALL
“I broke up with somebody to come here” what? What???
What is JJ’s speech as he leaves?? “I am selfless and I am courageous” What???
Dan is like “lol fuck”
Chris Harrison is like damn this cast needs a minute every ceremony
“Dan is such a grandpa” alright Ashley S don’t be salty
This whole time no one cares that Clare is definitely leaving tonight lol
I don’t care that Dan didn’t pick Juelia. He’s under no obligation to make her stay
Did Clare just admit she’s upset she never got to be the Bachelorette?! HAHAHAHA
OMFG MIKEY IS HERE TO SAVE JUELIA
You can see unhappiness oozing out of that hole between Joe’s eyebrows
“Sherbet orange deep v”
YAY Jade and Tanner time!
Ugh I want to pop bottles of champagne on a private plane too
And their date is at a tequila distillery?! FOMO
Joe has always pictured marrying someone who looks like Sam? Dude aims high
And now it comes out that Sam was texting multiple dudes tryna guarantee her 15 minutes of fame in paradise
Sam is SO SKETCHY
Mikey is just reveling in being the one who gets to tell Nick what’s gone on so far, even though he’s been kicked off once lol
Nick and Ashley are like “haha this date is so fun! Haha”
They don’t have anything else to do so they just get incredibly drunk in the middle of the day. Sounds a lot like college
When the producers frame the story to make a bird tell Ashley to grab Nick’s package?
This hot tub date sounds like every drunk conversation I’ve ever had at a party
Tanner doesn’t want to spend a day without Jade. Feels.
Tanner is presh. Idk about Jade
Happy birthday, asshat
I hope Nick reveals to the whole house the extent of his relationship with Sam (who am I kidding, that’s obviously going to happen eventually)
Jade is Tanner’s third girlfriend ever. Aw
Jared is just hanging out in Mexico (and occasionally making out with Ashley I) but otherwise completely isolated from “the game”
When Jared name drops Kaitlyn…..yikes
That bed on the beach is like Dump Central. If your significant other wants to go talk on that bed, prepare thyself because you’re getting dumped af
HAHAHAHAHAHA Kaitlyn on the other end of the phone is like “wait what?”
When Joe throws himself a birthday party because he is a mean friendless loser
After their lusty 1 week affair, Sam is reconsidering. SHOCKING
Sam’s breakup speech is so insincere
Does this mean Nick is going to jilt Ashley S for Sam now?
Sam used Joe to get a rose and stay to see who she’s *really* waiting for in paradise? Karma’s such a bitch, Joe
WTF is Joe planning????
——
?!?! is really all I have to say after this episode. Definitely some curveballs. I guess ~anything can happen in paradise~ Sam is exactly the type of villain you expect to find on this franchise, which makes it even more hilarious that she didn’t make it past like 1 episode of Chris’ season. After the events of this episode, though, the plot seems kinda flat, with the exception of her. But to be completely honest, I’m not sure this was a good move on producers’ part, considering no one likes Sam, and no one gives a shit who she ends up with next. Watching her dump Joe was entertaining karma enough; no one wants to watch him cry over losing her/argue with the next dude who reveals he’s been texting her for months.
If you need me, I’ll be crying into my beer, mourning the fact that producers didn’t choose me even though I had literally the best audition ever, when they announce Ben H as the next Bachelor tonight. RIP to my soul.
No comments:
Post a Comment